Deal
by january giselle
Summary: Juggling the happiness of her best friends, an evil older sister, and the after-effects of a very revealing incident involving her mega-crush and neighbor Edward Cullen, how will Bella Swan deal? AU, AH with the usuals, BxE, AxJ, EmxR. But mostly Bella.
1. The Beginning

**A/n: I'm REALLY not sure about this one. I have lots of stuff written on it, but I don't know how this will turn out. And this is a snippet, the informative introductory prologue, if you will. So... Enjoy?**

**Disclaimer: Nothing's mine. **

I stood there shivering like a Chihuahua with hives in the bathroom Jane and I shared, wondering where all the towels had gone. Not only was _I _freezing, but also my long, dripping wet hair was. I blame myself; I should have known Jane would use up every ounce of our hot water, and the lukewarm water, and even the water that wasn't purposefully meant to be cold, like she always did. However, that water lied to me. It pretended for almost a full minute that it was nice and warm, a saving grace in this windy and chilly Washington fall, and then all of a sudden, the comforting warmth of the rain started pelting what felt like pure, liquid ice. Unfortunately, by then, my hair was lathered with shampoo suds and I couldn't very well step out of the shower like that, so I had to grimace and bear it for another four minutes while I did the rest of my shower activities (conditioner and body wash, pervs!).

And then when I was done, I stepped out, my feet slipping on the wet tile, and almost took down the shower curtain. The floor was very cold, and I hopped from one foot to another quickly, hoping that moving around would prevent frostbite. I cursed my sister Jane again and called her name so she could go get me a towel from some other bathroom. Or maybe they were in her bedroom, and she took them so I wouldn't have any. I knew she heard me, too— her room is directly across the hall—but she didn't answer, didn't come to my rescue. I glanced around the small bathroom, with our pale blue walls and the harsh lights above the long mirror, trying to find something to wrap around myself. _My _room was conveniently _all the way_ _down the hall _and it was my last wish that I streak through the house naked. I had brothers, you know.

But, as life frequently made certain, I had to go through the embarrassing ordeal of peaking my head out the bathroom door to see if the coast was clear and I ran at full speed, towel-less (naked!), toward the direction of my bedroom, where I could wrap myself in at least a blanket until I warmed up and could put some clothes on. However, any hope I had ever had that luck would ever strike me diminished very quickly when I saw Jane's twin Alec's door begin to creak open.

I instinctively covered my lady parts, trying to cover _all _my parts, but it was futile. I did what I could, though.

Alec's room was the median between my room and Jane's room, so I was halfway there. _Almost there_. But I stilled immediately, which, when I later reflected on this occasion thought to be extremely stupid, and I just couldn't move. Maybe if I had, I would have been able to get to my room without anyone seeing me. But I didn't do that. Because my feet were glued to the floor, I saw just exactly who was exiting my brother's room, his hair being the telltale trait. It was an odd amber tone, but dark, and it was perpetually messy. Therefore, the boy standing just steps away from my unclothed, shaking form was none other than the neighbor kid who lived across the street.

And his name was Edward Cullen.

The Cullens had moved in to the house directly across from ours shortly after we did, which was about six or so years ago. Imagine how excited ten-year-old me was when she found out another ten-year-old girl would be in walking distance from her, _and _she had two brothers! One was the twins' age and the other was our eldest brother Riley's age. What a coincidence! Maybe it was fate. Maybe we were all supposed to be friends, living in perfect, neighborly harmony together. I could just see it. Riley and Jane and Alec would finally condescend to play outside with me, to watch movies with me, to just talk to me, because now there were other kids in the picture.

This did not prove as so. Yeah, my eldest brother Riley found a football teammate in the eldest Cullen, Emmett. Alec and the middle Cullen kid were instantly friends, and Jane tagged along with them usually.

Alice and I were meant to be friends. We both knew it from the very first moment we saw each other, when my mother dragged me to their house to offer the clichéd, yet friendly, "Welcome to the neighborhood" message, and Alice answered the front door. I remember it like it was yesterday. She was really pretty, even then, with her thick raven hair and her glass green eyes. She was even shorter than I was. But I looked at the little ornate silver trinket nestled in her hair, stark steel contrasting with the deep dark of her hair, then I touched the identical one in mine, and I _knew_ that Alice and I were one in the same. When I was six years old, Gran had taken me to a store filled with antiques, and I had come across two beautiful silver hairclips that must have belonged to a princess (or so I thought at the time). I only bought one, thinking that, should the princess ever come to look for her pretty silver barrettes again, she would at least have one. So when I saw the twin to my clip on Alice, it was a done deal. Thankfully, Alice had noticed our matching hairclips as well and had come to the same conclusion. We embraced, introduced ourselves, and then we went on a walk, on which we learned and learned until there was nothing left to learn until something else happened to us.

Six years later, and my bond with Alice still hadn't broken. I never really thought it would either. There was nothing I didn't tell Alice, nothing she couldn't tell me. We had some different interests, which meant we had disagreements, but nothing that was ever long-lasting. We had never had a fight lasting longer than the argument itself because neither Alice nor I was one for dramatics. She was the perfect best friend for me, and she was conveniently located just across the street.

Riley and Emmett didn't bother us ever, and Alice and I never bothered them. Riley was the one sibling I got along with and Emmett adored little Alice too much to ever hurt her feelings. But they were both five years older, and they marched to the beats of their own drums.

Jane and I had never been close. She was my sister and I loved her, and I would defend her until the death, but that was where our relationship ended. We were sisters, not friends. Alec was a little more cordial toward me, but not much. Jane and Alec, fraternal twins, were connected to each other while I was excluded. And as we got older, my attempts to be closer to them became too exhausting, so I just accepted that neither of them would ever concede to be my friend, even if they were merely two years my senior.

Now, at eighteen, Jane was a super bitch to me. Alec was nice, at least, now that we had somewhat matured, and last year before I had my license he drove me anywhere I wanted to go, and even he and Alice got along. Not Jane though. She loved to make my life miserable. She often embarrassed me deliberately and always pulled annoying and problematic stunts like the above-mentioned shower incident, but I think her favorite pastime was sabotaging my relationships with boys.

I looked like Jane for the most part. We had the same dark hair, and the same dark eyes, and we were around the same height. But Jane was older and obviously prettier than me. All the boys that I thought about dating wanted to date _her_. Jane loved that, thrived on it. She would flirt shamelessly with the boys she knew I liked and give them ideas so that they wouldn't even consider me as a choice now that _she _was available to them.

Then when my first boyfriend came along at age thirteen, and he would hang out at our house after school, Jane would draw the most attention possible to herself, and pay the most attention possible to him, and he would stand mesmerized and I was forgotten. My second boyfriend lasted longer than my first. Shortly after I turned sixteen and grew breasts, a lovely boy named Jay Jenks asked me out. We dated for six months, and I really grew to like him.

One day, Jane kissed him. Really kissed him.

And that was the end of that.

Fortunately, Jane had never found out about the deep-rooted longing I harbored for our neighbor and her "friend" Edward Cullen. My God, I can't even imagine what would happen if she did…

But now he was opening the door to my brother's room, and when he stepped out he would find that I was completely naked. And that would be detrimental.

"Don't. Move," I whisper-warned, hoping to God it would be a reflex for him obey that. If it was, I would have just enough time to avert this crisis before it started. "And close your eyes!" I added quickly.

Edward stilled, thank God, but then seemed to think to himself, _What am I doing? _And he started to open the door again.

"I'm totally serious," I said, still covering what I could of myself. "If you open that door, I will die."

"Isabella?"

It was a question, asking if it was who he thought it was speaking to him.

You know how some girls in movies and books that have crushes on unbelievable and unattainable boys completely out of their league are always saying things like "He doesn't know I exist"? Well, Edward knew I existed. How could he not, living so close to me? But he certainly didn't seem to care that I existed.

I'd rather be invisible than forgotten.

_For the seventh million mother-loving time, buddy, _"It's Bella."

My tone was cool, _just like my freezing and naked skin_, which now had uncomfortable goosebumps rising on it.

"Right." _Right? _"Well, why can't I open the door?"

"Cullen!" I heard Alec call from somewhere in his room. "Quit fuckin' around and get out of my room. I've got private business."

I scoffed at him.

"Relax, I'm just examining your… doorframe," Edward answered.

"My what?"

"Isa—I mean Bella. I'm opening the door now."

"I swear to God, if you open that door, I will pass out." It was very likely to happen, should _Edward Cullen see me naked in the middle of the hallway_.

I had to get out of this situation.

"_Why?_" he asked.

"I… can't tell you. Just give me, like, ten seconds to run to my room. Then you can do whatever you want."

"Whatever," he said, and then I ran.

It would only take me two seconds to get to my door, another second to get it closed, but before my three seconds were up, that son of a bitch opened the door. I didn't even need to see it to know.

I heard a very loud, very shocked, "What the hell!" before my door slammed shut.

I was panicked, but relieved. Panicked at what he might have seen. Relieved that I was safe in my room. I quickly donned my clothes and lay down on the bed.

_Can't wait for school tomorrow,_ I thought as I sighed heavily and tried to forget the last thirty seconds of my rather unfortunate life.


	2. The Beginning of the Aftermath

**A/n: Okay, so... here goes nothin'.**

**Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing. **

* * *

"Quit laughing! What kind of friend are you? It's not funny!"

"I'm sorry!" Alice gasped in between giggles. "I just can so _see _that!"

"Alice, we can't hang out at your house anymore," I told her, switching the portable home phone from my left ear to my right.

Just forgetting the incident hadn't worked so I'd done the next best thing and called Alice.

"Don't be silly, Bella. Sure, it'll be awkward at first, but then later we'll just laugh at the passing memory. Besides, it's not like he could have seen that much."

"Alice!" I snapped. "I don't want anyone seeing that much of me. I don't want _him_ to see _any _of me."

She didn't reply for a long time. I could hear Alice shuffling paper in the background.

"Look, Bella," she finally said. "This is how it will play out. You and Edward will pretend it never happened, and it will magically go away."

"Oh, that's what you think. But observe this from my point of view, okay? Imagine that one day, my dear cousin Jasper was at your house… for some reason. And then imagine that he saw you naked."

"I… would not make such a big deal about it," she lied.

"Right," I said sarcastically.

"I know you think this is the end of the world because you like Edward, but this is just another embarrassing moment. I'm sure it's happened to someone else, and I'm sure they got over it."

I had only ever told Alice about my crush. Although I think she knew before I told her because she didn't seem surprised like I expected her to and she was trying not to laugh at me. I knew that even though Edward and Alice had grown closer, unlike my siblings and me, she wouldn't tell him. I didn't know anyone else I could trust not to let it slip.

Not even two days later, Alice told me she had a crush on my cousin Jasper. He was just a year older, and his sister (and my cousin) Rosalie was in our class and a very close friend of Alice and me. Suffice it to say my reaction to Alice's fondness for Jasper (the same Jasper who wore bandanas and cowboy boots until he was fourteen) was unlike her reaction to my fondness for Edward because _I _was shocked. I mean, it didn't bother me, but I just didn't see it coming.

_Alice and Jasper? _I'd thought incredulously. _What is she thinking?_

But I accepted it. I had no choice, really. This was Alice we were talking about.

And Jasper and Rosalie weren't my only cousins. Far from it. My father had four brothers and sisters, all with children of their own.

The eldest was Uncle James who was married to the very lovely Aunt Victoria, who was a ginger. They had three sons and a daughter: Peter, Felix, Demetri, and Chelsea. Peter was engaged to this girl Charlotte, who was the same height as Alice at twelve with white-blonde hair and who, at parties, always stuck some kind of flower behind her ear. No one ever saw much of Felix or Demetri, who after college never came back, and Chelsea was that cousin that you went to school with but did _not _want to hang out with because there was drinking and narcotics involved in her weekend activities.

Uncle Phil was married to Aunt Carmen, and they produced the three most gorgeous people I had ever seen up close. Tanya and Irina at twenty-three and twenty-two were both pretty successful models (real ones!) and Heidi was doing her own thing at college. I loved Heidi and her quirky red glasses that she wore "for show" and her weird, artsy clothes that she actually looked good in and her never-ending knowledge of classical music, which she showered on me every chance she got.

Aunt Kate married her redneck husband Garrett during college (at the University of Texas) and had Jasper and Rosalie. Jasper was funny because he had a southern twang even though he lived in Seattle all his life and he always wore blue jeans. I still loved him, though. Rose was that girl popular girls hated because she was extremely beautiful and they wanted to be her friend but she ignored all of them and liked Alice and me more. I really loved her for that. Rose and I had always been close, and our family used to live on the same street as Aunt Kate and Uncle Garrett, but… Dad had problems with Uncle Garrett, so we moved. But we were still close enough for Rosalie to drive Alice and me to and from school every day.

Then it was my parents, Charlie and Renee, who had Riley, Alec, Jane, and me.

Last was my favorite: Aunt Claire and her wicked cool Native American husband Quil. They had Leah and Seth, who were just seven and four. Aunt Claire was the black sheep of the Swan family because, like Felix and Demetri, when she moved away, she didn't come back. She visited, sure, and sent tons of presents yearly to her favorite nieces and nephews (the exclusive group of favorites included Peter, Heidi, Jasper, Rosalie, and me) but she chose to live in Portland, Oregon, just far enough away from Seattle to really annoy her brothers and sister. I think she thrived on that, annoying them. She was different from all of them. I was always felt comfortably warm when she hugged me, and I knew I could call her whenever I needed adult wisdom Mom couldn't supply.

Alice's parents each had one sibling, and neither had children yet. Alice's dad Carlisle Cullen was a pediatrician and we had gotten to know each other well, as all the adventures I had with Alice usually ended with at least something sprained and always something bleeding. Alice's mom Esme owned and managed a small family bookstore that she'd worked at since her early twenties, even before she met Dr. Cullen. Emmett was away at college, and for the life of me I can't remember where. And Edward and Alice, obviously… were still in high school…

Which brought me back to my phone conversation with my supposed best friend.

"I know it isn't the end of the world," I told her. "It's just the end of what little composure I had when I'm around him."

"You're never so dramatic," Alice surmised. "Is there something you aren't telling me?"

"Alice." My flat tone said, _What are you talking about._

"Right, sorry. This is really bothering you, huh?"

"Yep."

"Well, we'll just have to see. Come over to my house for dinner?"

"What? No!" I exclaimed loudly. "This happened less than an hour ago!"

"I know. He'll think you don't really care if you come over now and he sees you've forgotten about it already."

"But I haven't forgotten about it already."

"He doesn't have to know that."

About than half an hour later, I was sitting in Alice's room scribbling away at a worksheet Mr. Banner had given us for homework while Alice read _Sense and Sensibility_.

There was a knock on the door, and Alice called "It's open!" just before Edward came in to tell us dinner was ready.

He _did _seem surprised that I was here, and it made me inwardly smile. I glanced up at him fleetingly (and didn't blush or anything that would show him I was embarrassed) then set my homework aside and started to follow him downstairs. Man, was I proud of myself. When Alice came to walk beside me down the stairs, she squeezed my hand for a second and I knew she was proud of me, too.

It was a usual occurrence that the whole Cullen family (minus Emmett, of course) sat down and ate together. Sometimes I joined because Mrs. Cullen never tried to branch out way too far in her cooking like my mom did and the food was always better here than at home, so no one ('cept Edward) was surprised I was there. I took my seat beside Alice like usual. I put my napkin in my lap like usual. And I looked up to see Mrs. Cullen, who usually sat across from me, like usual.

But something wasn't usual here because it was Edward sitting across from me.

_Darn it_, I thought.

He smirked at me, and I narrowed my eyes because that smirk made me angry and not self-conscious or embarrassed like it would have if I'd thought about it longer than I did before I reacted. He raised an arrogant eyebrow at me and I turned away from him. If he wanted to take a sudden interest in me because of a fleeting moment he _may _have seen _some _of me unclothed, well, too bad. Just because I liked him a lot didn't mean I would do to that kind of thing—seduction as a way of getting a guy. That was something I imagined Tanya or Irina having enough confidence to do, but certainly not me. And if Edward was the type of guy to succumb to that kind of thing, then I probably wouldn't like him much. Maybe.

Or not.

So I ignored him through most of the dinner, only glancing at him from time to time so that he'd know my thoughts weren't focused solely on avoiding his gaze, even though they were. Plus I didn't want Dr. or Mrs. Cullen to be alerted to anything. Knowing them, they'd probably notice if I was purposefully not looking at someone that was sitting directly across from me.

"Bella, have you heard from Riley recently?" Mrs. Cullen asked me during dinner.

"Yes, ma'am. He called yesterday," I answered.

Mrs. Cullen tucked a strand of honey-colored hair behind her ear and smiled.

"Anything to report? Emmett isn't acting out, is he?"

I smiled back. "Oh, I'm sure they both are."

Alice suddenly decided to get mean and attract attention to me. "Bella, tell us about your new job!"

Mrs. Cullen asked me to work for her the other day. Emily, the girl who usually works the "after-school" shift (as Mrs. Cullen works while Edward and Alice are at school), went on maternity leave last week and Mrs. Cullen was getting overwhelmed with the workload. I accepted excitedly. It was my ideal job. A quiet place filled with books, working under someone who was like a second mother to me? Count me in.

I grimaced at Alice before nodding to Mrs. Cullen in acknowledgment.

"You got a job, Bella?" Dr. Cullen asked.

"You bet, Doc," I told him.

I smiled at Mrs. Cullen. Apparently she hadn't told him.

"You work?" Edward asked, somewhat rudely.

I turned my gaze to him. "Do you?" I countered.

Alice stifled a laugh and I turned to look at her before looking back at Dr. Cullen, ignoring Edward's look of surprise.

"Where will you be working?" Dr. Cullen asked.

"Platt's Books," I replied casually, taking a bite of spaghetti.

Dr. Cullen looked to his wife, who was grinning.

"Esme?"

"Yes?"

"Did you neglect to mention to me you hired Bella?"

"No."

Alice and I laughed.

"Why?" Edward asked.

_Why are you in my business? _I asked him in my mind.

"For a good reason," Mrs. Cullen answered her son. "I didn't tell you when I hired Kim or Emily. I wouldn't necessarily tell you if I'd hired anyone else new. I only afforded Bella the same courtesy."

_Thanks_, I told her in my smile. She nodded.

Alice changed the subject. "Oh, Bella, did you talk to Jessica today? She said that she'd gotten you your—"

"Yes, I did," I interrupted her quickly.

_Jeez, Jess, I told you the concert tickets were for Alice's birthday. Why would you tell her?_

"Oh, come on, it's not like I didn't already know," Alice said, smiling at me.

The All-American Rejects, one of Alice's favorite bands, were coming to Seattle about a month after her birthday this winter so I'd asked Jessica Stanley, whose father had "connections," to see what she could do. I'd paid her for them today when she'd finally gotten them.

"Aw, how'd you find out?"

This was upsetting. I'd been so secretive!

"Well, of course I heard they were coming here, and I knew you'd try to get them for me. Plus Mom accidentally mentioned it," she admitted unapologetically.

"Mrs. Cullen!"

"I'm sorry, Bella! I didn't mean to!"

"I'm lost," Edward said.

I sighed dejectedly. "I got Alice tickets to the All-American Rejects concert for her birthday. And she _knows_."

"Can I have them now? Please, please, please?" Alice begged.

I looked at her for a long time before rolling my eyes.

"Thank you, Bella! You're the best." She stood up, pulling me up with her and hugged me tightly.

I looked over to the Dr. and Mrs. Cullen. "Thank you for dinner. I'm gonna head home, if that's okay."

"Alright, Bella, we were glad to have you," Mrs. Cullen said warmly.

I went upstairs to grab my stuff—and the tickets out of my backpack— after putting my dishes in the sink, and when I was coming back down, I encountered Edward on the stairs.

I was brushing past him when I saw him smirk again.

I rolled my eyes and nudged him in the side almost undetectably before picking up my pace.

I handed Alice the two concert tickets, muttered a "Happy birthday," and left the Cullen residence.

I dreamt about Edward that night.


	3. The Beginning of the Games

**Disclaimer: It's all SMeyer's. **

The only reason Rose drives Alice and me to school every day is because Rose, Alice, and I are what you'd call early risers. We're not always _happy _at five am, but we are always awake. We all decided that when Rose (whose birthday was first) attained a car, we would all ride together to school so that we wouldn't have to wait around for lazy siblings like Jane or Jasper or Edward. Plus, our favorite breakfast was located at a tiny little diner owned by a family friend named Maggie Stewart and she opened at six every morning. So while Rosalie, Alice, and I ate delicious meals of warm omelets, outstanding French toast, and fresh orange juice, our brothers and sisters were eating stale cereal and _not_ being well-prepared for healthy learning at school. Maggie's Diner was a protected secret and probably the best thing that ever happened to us.

At 5:45, Rose honked the horn in her shiny, red automobile in front of my quiet little house twelve times (I counted) before I emerged, digging the heels of my palms in my eyes. I almost ran right into the car because I couldn't see where I was going, but I opened my eyes before I embarrassed myself. I slid in the front seat and the most appropriate verb that comes to mind when I sat down in Rose's smooth leather seat is "collapse." My arms and legs and shoulders relaxed and I tilted my head back and groaned.

"What's your deal?" Rose asked, not sparing me a glance as she began to roll out of the gravel driveway.

"I'm _exhausted_," I exhaled heavily, letting my eyes gently close to rest.

"Bad dreams?"

"Yes."

I was glad Rosalie didn't ask. I didn't want to talk about Edward this morning.

Alice climbed in the back of the car, greeting Rose and me accordingly, before lapsing into silence.

We arrived at Maggie's a little after six, like always, and sat down at the booth farthest from the door, like always. Angela, the well-known server we now called friend, took our orders and left us alone.

"Well, we're abnormally quiet today," I said, breaking the ice. Usually that was Alice's job, but she was offering nothing.

Rose shrugged, saying, "Just one of those days."

Alice nodded in agreement, and I was just really tired.

I supposed it was "just one of those days" and let it go.

My mood progressively worsened as the day continued. My first class was assigned a quiz on complicated material I was too tired to try to figure out, my second class included a mortifying "Bella, read this passage aloud to the class" by my English teacher, and we also had fish sticks for lunch. I abhorred fish sticks because the school's fried fish sticks were more "fried" than "fish" and once, in second grade, Dad took the whole family to a seafood restaurant just outside Seattle as a "treat" for us. Being seven years old, I ordered the fish sticks off the kids' menu, and the next day I was diagnosed with severe food poisoning and never touched the stuff again.

I saw that Rose's countenance had lightened and she smiled when she sat down next to me and even went to far as to ask how the first part of my day went, to while I replied sarcastically "Splendid!" and she told me that Mike Newton tripped in her science class today, landing on his elbows (yikes), and that incident had literally made her day. I laughed, not because of poor Mike's accident, but because it was just like Rose to be cheered up by that.

Unfortunately, Alice still wasn't in great spirits by that time. She was quiet the whole time, picking at her little wilting green salad aimlessly.

I looked at Rose, wondering if she knew something I didn't. She had been fine last night at dinner, and I'd even given her the tickets. I didn't understand what had put her in such a disposition in so little time.

Rose leaned in and whispered to me, "Look at Jasper over there."

I did. On the other side of the cafeteria, sitting with his own friends, Jasper's arms were crossed in front of his chest and he seemed extremely pissed. He wasn't talking to anyone and he wasn't looking at anyone, either.

I quietly asked Rose if something happened between them. Rose, of course, knew about Alice liking her brother. Alice and Jasper weren't particularly close, but Rose and Jasper were very close. I never asked him about Alice under her explicit explanation that if I were to talk about her to him he would definitely know she liked him and Alice did not want Jasper to know, for whatever reason. I had gone along with her wishes, but that didn't mean I understood them.

Rose responded very softly, "Neither has said anything since, but you should have seen them pass each other in the hall today. Alice and I were walking to Spanish class and Jasper saw us and asked me what was wrong with her. Alice _blew up _and told him that if he wanted to know why he didn't just ask _her _because she was standing right there. And they started arguing. I tried to pull her away, but needless to say, she was late for Spanish class. I don't know what happened after that, though."

I pursed my lips and sighed. _Poor Alice. _

"I can hear you," Alice told us, keeping her eyes focused on her salad.

"Well, do you have anything to add?" Rosalie asked.

"I know you probably won't understand, but I don't just have a crush on Jasper," she said quietly.

Rose and I waited until she further explained.

"He's my soul mate," Alice said.

Rose and I looked at each other and communicated silently our apprehension at this.

_Poor, poor Alice. _

I didn't want to believe Alice. There really wasn't any reason not to believe her. She had never been boy crazy; she'd never even had a boyfriend. She wasn't the girl that fell in love with every guy that showed an interest. I knew she was very serious when she admitted that to Rose and me.

I would have been happy for Alice, for finding someone she really liked. Someone she liked enough to call "soul mate." But Jasper… had _many _girlfriends. He was very flirty and very oblivious and very dangerous to someone like Alice— he could very well break her heart.

I'd never pitied Alice before now.

We then dropped the subject and started to talk about me.

Yep, dear Alice started to tell the "Edward Might Have Seen Me Naked" story.

"Oh, Bella, you should have just waited," Rose said, laughing at me.

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, if it wasn't so effing cold, I might have done that," I snapped.

"And you sat with him at _dinner _last night? God, you're a glutton."

"Hey," I warned. "At least I didn't blush and stammer like the Cowardly Lion."

Rose glared, but then a thought visibly occurred to her. "What did Jane say?"

Alice gasped. "Oh my gosh, I completely forgot to ask about Jane. She didn't see, did she?"

They both looked thoroughly panicked for me.

And then I panicked for myself because I hadn't thought of Jane either.

Mothersisterfatherbrother, my life would be over if she had seen anything. If she had, there would inevitably be some serious troubles coming my way.

"I don't know," I whispered, my eyes wide. My mind whirred and _wooshed _with all the possible evil things she could do to me or hold over me with this information. Or she could blackmail me. But she wasn't really one to withhold information about anyone—from anyone— especially embarrassing things about me.

"She would have said something by now, wouldn't she?" Rose offered in consolation. "Right?"

"I haven't seen her!" I wailed loudly.

"Bella, calm the fuck down," she chastised.

I slumped in my chair and threw my head back dramatically and groaned.

"As if this situation didn't suck enough," I pitied myself.

"Bella, just… forget about it for now, okay? We'll cross those bridges when we come to them," Rose advised.

I let my eyes close and said, "May she burn in Hell for the rest of her pathetic life."

"Who's burning in Hell?" I suddenly heard from behind me. It was probably the most unwelcome voice I could think of, aside from Jane, of course.

I quite literally jumped as Edward's hair tickled my ear when he leaned down to ask this question. Without looking I knew that he sat down directly across from me next to Alice yet again (that arrogant S.O.B). My head was still tilted, my eyes still closed, despite the interruption.

"Well?" he prodded.

_Well what, Mr. Nosy?_

I sat up to look at him, then pretended to look surprised.

"Edward Cullen! I was just talking about you!" I exclaimed.

He glared. I didn't care.

_At least he got my joke_, I thought to myself.

"Why are you sitting with us, Edward?" Alice asked her brother, reverting back to staring at her sad little salad leaves.

He shrugged. "Just thought I'd check and see if everyone was _covered_." He smiled wickedly at me. "You know, lunch money," he amended when he saw my narrowed eyes, but his grin widened.

After a good bout of awkward silence, Edward focused his attention on me (which was becoming irritating, as whenever he did this someone ended up glowering at somebody else).

"So, Isa—"

"Dear Joseph!" I cursed, slapping my hands on the lunch table. "My _name _is _Bella_."

"Oh, I know," he said, that stupid gosh darn grin still taking up his face. I wanted to smother it with one of Rose's gross fish sticks.

I started to get up. "Well, Rose, Alice, I'll leave you in his capable hands while I go find an aspirin for this splitting headache I now coincidentally have."

"Aw, don't go yet, Belly," Edward whined.

_What a putz. _

"Okay, I can't stress enough that my name is _Bella_. With an A on the end. If you continue with your incessant, deliberate mistaking of my name, I'm going to start calling you Ed…wart. Or something."

"Oh, are we already on to pet names? How cute," he remarked sarcastically.

"Nicknames including the word 'wart' are not generally classified as pet names. And I don't think I can stand to be near you any longer without wanting to repeatedly bash my head—or maybe yours— into this table," I concluded, watching as his cheerfulness dissolved into something akin to aggravation. "So, see you girls later… Bye."

And as I strode out of the lunchroom, I mentally patted myself on the back for my performance. I could only hope that, should he keep up with following me around and trying to get under my skin (which he'd, admittedly, already done several times), I could pull it off again.

About a week later, I was relieved to say that Jane didn't know. And, as far as I was concerned, she never would. The tricky part was—how did I know Edward wouldn't tell her?

I enlisted Alice's help here. She told me she'd make sure he kept his mouth shut. I trusted her—Alice wasn't really one for meddling in anyone's business, even mine.

So that's when I quit worrying about _that _incident and moved on to my best friend Alice and her boy troubles.

Okay, so she thought—_knew_, whatever—that Jasper, my cousin, was her soul mate. One of the big issues here was that Jasper did _not _know this information, and Rose and I shared the belief that our Alley-cat would be so much better off if he _did _know. She disagreed, and we could do nothing else about it. Another problem was that it was very true that Jasper was a typical seventeen-year-old male, or to use another more popular name, a jackass. And _another _problem was that I was just a little bit stung that Alice had never told me just how strong her feelings were for him. I felt like a sucktastic best friend 'cause maybe I should have noticed, maybe I could have alleviated any hurt Jasper might have caused her with his perpetual obliviousness.

When I told Alice my thoughts on the subject, she shot them down. It was her choice, her burden. And I argued that it was my _job _as a best friend to burden that with her. She rolled her eyes and ordered me to quit being so dramatic. We dropped the topic for the time being. I still felt like a selfish friend for not noticing, and especially since Alice had known about Edward. I promised myself then and there that I would be more observant.

The subject was broached at Maggie's diner one Wednesday morning before school just because I had woken up thinking—a most disastrous practice. I had come up with a seemingly foolproof plan.

While Rosalie was all for it, Alice was skeptical.

"I don't know, Bella. It seems kind of far-fetched," she'd argued.

"Alice, don't be silly. What's to lose? Plus, if you and Jasper are soul mates, then some part of him knows you love him, and he, in turn, loves you," I said in my most convincing tone. "But we know Jasper's the dumbest a-hole in Washington State—no offense, Rosie."

"None taken."

Alice finally agreed after I concluded with, "All he needs is a push."

And we let the mind games commence.


	4. The Beginning of Sixteen

**Disclaimer: As we are all aware, none of this belongs to me.**

* * *

"Jizzper _Hay_-el!" I sang loudly, skipping over to him where he stood in front of his locker.

"Jizzabella," he greeted alike when I reached him.

I frowned at him.

"Don't be so immature, Jasper," I chided. I proceeded to tell him, "We need to have a discussion," before he could accuse me of being a hypocrite or something.

"'Bout what?"

"You know my best friend Alice, right?" When he nodded, I said, "Well, her birthday party is very soon approaching. You are cordially invited to the Cullens' abode for an Alice Extravaganza next weekend." I grinned. "You lucky dog."

Jasper looked confused. "I thought Alice's birthday was in January."

Now it was my turn to be puzzled. _How'd he know Alice's B-day? _This was an unforeseen complication. Seeing as it was the beginning of September, we had ourselves a problem.

"So?" I asked wittily.

"Well, isn't it a little early for her to be having a birthday party?"

Here's the part where I got smart.

"We decided for our sixteenth, Alice and I would have our birthday party… _together_."

_My _birthday _is _in September, so this worked out nicely. Except for the fact that now I, unfortunately, had to have an Alice Extravaganza Sweet Sixteenth Birthday Party and that in itself was dreadful.

"Oh. That makes sense," Jasper nodded.

_Yeah, I know. _

"Bella!" That was Alice. _This _was in the plan.

Alice and I were going to have a conversation that would spark Jasper's intrigue and make him start thinking about Alice, which was the idea. Middle school, yes, I know, but sometimes it has to be done.

"Hey, Alley-cat."

"Bella," she said in a panicked voice, gripping my arms, "I can't find it. Anywhere."

"Excuse me for a moment," I said to Jasper before focusing on Alice. "Can't find what?"

Alice's glance flickered to Jasper for just a second before pulling me to the side and whispering nonsense in my ear. I pulled back from her to look at her strangely. (We were such good actresses.)

"But how?" I asked, loud enough for Jasper to hear while still being discreet.

She leaned up on her tiptoes to whisper in my ear again, withdrawing to look at me with wide, frightened eyes.

"Okay, don't fret," I said. "We'll just… You know what, we'll…" I bit my lip "nervously" and darted my eyes around.

"Bella, if it's landed in the wrong hands…."

Rosalie had hidden something of Alice's: her journal. That journal was compiled of everything Alice—her theories and ideas, designs, figures, equations… If it landed in the wrong hands, as Alice was "worrying," that person would most likely steal Alice's potential genius to use as their own. That would be detrimental to Alice's future. However, Rosalie knew where it was, but only Rosalie. Alice wasn't technically lying.

"We'll find it, Alice," I reassured, confident in my statement. "We'll search all of Seattle for it, I promise."

She stared at me for a long time before nodding, acknowledging Jasper, and then rushing off to class.

"What'd she lose?" Jasper asked.

"Don't worry about it," I told him flippantly as I turned to follow her. "Don't forget about the party, Jazz."

"Oh, I won't," I heard him say quietly as I walked away.

I smirked to myself. He was intrigued, and phase one was complete.

Meanwhile, I informed Alice that we'd be having a joint birthday party next weekend, and I told her not to let her mother go overboard on the planning. If I thought Alice was excited, Mrs. Cullen's reaction was along the lines of "ecstatic." I cursed myself for ever concocting this plan. I hated parties—especially my own. And this one was going to take the metaphorical cake. A huge sweet sixteen with Alice Cullen (and later we added Rosalie Hale) at the Cullens' house with Mrs. Cullen as the planner? I'd rather be shot in the foot.

_The things I do for your happiness, Alice Cullen._

So now everyone was happy but me and Jane ('cause she was jealous), and I was okay with that. Unless, of course, things between Jasper and Alice didn't span out. That wouldn't really work for me. But then again, it wasn't about me, so who cares?

Alice got her journal back moments after our little acting session, even if Rosie was loath to part with it. She'd said that holding it made her feel powerful, like if she was in possession of it long enough, some of Alice's knowledge would seep into her. Ha.

Phase two of the "To Catch a Jasper" plan was physical contact. It went over stunningly well. Alice, with assisting shoves and pushes from Rose or me, would brush against Jasper in the hallways, or we'd come up with excuses for her to talk to him, where she'd come up behind him and put her hand on his arm or catch his hand. And that was just the little stuff.

The three of us were having our birthday party this Friday (which was just ridiculous because Rose's birthday had been in July, mine next week in September, and Alice's a whole season away), just three days away, and it was going down.

September sixth would be the day Jasper finally came to his slow-moving senses and Alice would be perfectly content. If all went accordingly, that is.

We were already dolled-up in our dresses and hair and shoes, and the Cullen household was alike decked-out in our corresponding colors. Rosalie had chosen Slytherin colors (Merlin help her), and had a fancy dark green dress on that just intensified every thing about her in a very flattering way. Alice was in the Ravenclaw colors of blue and bronze, with a delicate satin blue dress and polished bronze pumps, and she looked much like a sparkly metallic fairy. I'd gone in the direction of Gryffindor with a pretty yet subtle red dress and Mrs. Cullen had forced me into some shiny gold high heels that I was scuffing up already. We'd dressed the Cullens' dog Sam in a black and yellow collar. We thought we were really clever.

Emmett, Riley, and a good portion of my first cousins were in attendance tonight, along with half of the sophomore class, and a few choice juniors and seniors. I was just as nervous as Alice, but Alice was worried about what would happen when Jasper found out that we'd tricked him into liking Alice.

Rose threw her hands up in exasperation while exclaiming, "Alice! We didn't trick him into liking you! It's not like you acted differently, or you changed. You're Alice Cullen, he'll always know it, and he'll love you for you. Christ on a cracker."

"Well put, Rose," I complimented.

She nodded, and then grabbed Alice's hand in one of hers and mine in the other and dragged us down the steps.

"Show time," she whispered before we made our "grand entrance" down the staircase into the dark expanse of the first floor, shining with colorful lights and the walls vibrating with music.

In less than two seconds, I lost Alice and Rose in the crowd and then lost myself. I danced some, even though I felt awkward and uncomfortable the whole time, sipped a can of Coca-Cola (that I opened by myself), looked for Rose and Alice or… anyone who was my friend, and then I went outside on the back porch to release some of the energy building up inside me. I could see the side of my house from here, and I mentally slapped my forehead for leaving the light on in my room.

After a few gulps of nice, clean oxygen, I grudgingly let my eyes try to adjust to the strobe lights again.

The second I walked in from the porch, Rose came up to me in a flurry, with news.

"Okay, things are progressing… slowly with Ali and Jazz, but I have another pressing issue."

"Oh dear."

"No, it's not _bad_, it's just unfortunate."

After some silence on her part, I said, "On with it!"

"I think I'm in love," Rosie admitted, taking a leaf from my book and biting her lip nervously.

Whatever nervousness she was feeling, all I could process was shock.

_Rosalie. In love. WTF_.

"'Scuse me?" said I.

"I know, I know," she said quickly, although I don't think she did.

"_What?_" I was still asking the same question. I think my _what _was more of a _how _though.

"I know!" She grabbed my bare arm and started to drag me to the kitchen, which was quieter than… the rest of the house.

She explained the whole story of how she fell in love. With Alice's older—much older—brother Emmett Cullen. It was almost too funny. Alice was in love with Rosalie's brother Jasper, and Rosalie was in love with Alice's brother Emmett.

Rose had been dancing with Alice—not sluttily, I might add—when she felt a tap on her shoulder. She turned to see the most handsome man she's ever laid eyes on, a big, tall one with bright eyes and dark, curly hair. He had a voice like God and strong hands that made her feel light as a feather when he held her hips in them. But what really sealed the deal was the conversation. Emmett, like Rosalie, had a common interest: math.

Rosalie was a mathematics person. Like Einstein. Rose had her own theories about time and relativity, and she excelled in trigonometry, geometry, algebra, you name it. Hand her any problem or equation and it would be solved. Rose's calculations were always correct.

Emmett's interest was similar, studying to be an engineer, and they talked endlessly of _math_.

_Come on. Math? _

But Rosalie had a supercrush on a guy half a decade older than her and there was no stopping it. She only found out just a few minuets ago who he was—more specifically, whose brother he was. And now she was panicked.

"Rose, calm down. It's no big deal. It's just like having a crush on Jesse McCartney. He's real cute and I'm sure you'd have tons to talk about, and he's a little older," I tried to logically elucidate.

"Except _my _crush is _real_. And it's not an 'admire from afar' thing. It's up-close and personal!"

"Rosalie, I, of all people, am not the person to consult on this matter!"

"Well, you're the only one who I can tell!"

"Yes, but that's all I can do! I can't… I'm not good at this romantic stuff. I mean, look who I'm in like with!" I exclaim.

After a second or two of labored breathing on our parts, I said, "Listen, to take our minds off of this new… occurrence, let's just focus on Alice and Jasper. Then we'll come back to this and maybe by then we'll have a solution."

Rose nodded. "Good thinking."

We went over to observe the mating habits of Alice and Jasper and we were quite surprised (pleasantly, of course) to see them dancing. The Dire Straits were playing in the background while they swayed together. It might have looked awkward to bystanders like Rose and me, but Alice and Jasper seemed perfectly at ease with each other. There was a clear distance between them, but they looked comfortable in each other's arms. As we watched, I saw that as Alice's gaze was focused somewhere on Jasper's chest—which was where her eyes were leveled, with their heights— but Jasper's eyes kept coming back to Alice's face. She didn't notice, of course, but Rosalie and I did. We turned to each other, and she smirked, satisfied.

"Phase two, completed," we said unanimously.

Rose apparently caught Emmett's eye and waved him over.

"Izzybella Swan," Emmett grinned when he was in front of us, patting my hair with the finesse of brotherly affection.

"Hi, Emmett," I grumbled. "How's the frat life?"

He immediately turned serious. "I'm not into that stuff anymore."

I raised an eyebrow, glancing at Rose and then back at him. "Okay," I said.

"Riley's been looking for you," Emmett informed me.

I knew my brother wasn't looking for me. Emmett just wanted alone time with Rosalie. After I looked at her to see if she wanted me to make myself scarce, I did just that.

I looked for Riley anyway and came across him and Heidi conversing over by the refreshments table.

"Wicked party, huh?" I yelled unnecessarily loudly, as if the music was so bursting and outrageous that they couldn't hear me otherwise.

Riley rolled his eyes but pulled me into his side for a hug.

"Bella!" Heidi greeted. "Your dress matches my new glasses!"

I looked from her reddish-raspberry frames to my silky-shiny-scarlet dress. "So it does," I said anyway.

"I have your present, Bella. And Tanya and Irina sent theirs over too, since they couldn't be here."

"I hate presents!" I groaned, stomping a foot. It always made me feel obligated to give something back, even if it _was _my birthday.

Heidi rummaged around in her daisy-printed canvas bag for whatever it was they got me, while I tried to slowly ease out of Riley's grip.

Technically, my birthday was in two days. I could procrastinate on opening the presents. But this was the second of gifts I would receive (Aunt Claire had sent me the collective works of J.K. Rowling—all seven Harry Potter books, which I had been asking of my parents since 1999). There was the present from Mom and Dad, from Alice and Rose (who always put Jasper's name on the accompanying card), from the Doc and Mrs. Cullen, from Riley, the gift Mom bought to represent Alec and Jane, from Heidi and her sisters, from Aunt Claire (who always, to beat everyone else, sent her gift a week in advance), and the expected twenty-spot from Uncle James and Aunt Victoria. I hated birthdays—especially mine.

Three little white boxes, unwrapped, were shoved into my hands.

"Open 'em now," Heidi demanded.

Riley held two of them for me so I could open one at a time.

As I was about to remove the top of the box, I was yanked by what seemed like twenty pairs of hands simultaneously onto the dance floor.

While I didn't especially love dancing, it was my party (no matter how much I didn't want it), and I was going to enjoy it.

This was a priceless moment, and I wanted to cherish the look on Jay Jenks's face when I threw my strappy gold heels directly at his head forever.

I woke up on the day of my birth to find my cousin Chelsea on top of me.

"Happy birthday," she said, a gleaming smile on her face.

"Get offa me," I mumbled almost incoherently as I pressed my face into my pillow.

"_You _have to wake up. There's a feast prepared for you downstairs. Because it's your _birthday_!"

I tried to shove her off of me, but she wouldn't budge.

"Don't be so childish, Bella."

"You're the one who's childish!" I whined.

She dragged me from the precious warmth of my sheets to the bitter cold of the rest of my room.

I wasn't too mad at Chelsea. It was an ongoing tradition, waking each other up in the most obnoxious way on our birthdays—ever since we were kids and we were way super close. Now we weren't, of course, because she was wasted and/or high most of the time and her brain cell count was near depleted. It's the thought that counts.

I was disgusting-looking, it was early, and it was my birthday. I was in my wrinkled pajamas and my hair probably had bed bugs nesting in it, but it was Sunday—who cares? I went downstairs to find that Chelsea was correct—there were the faces of many exhausted, yet happy family members right in my kitchen, around a very large stack of French toast, surrounded by presents.

I loved French toast.

There was a discordant chorus of "Happy birthday, Bella!" and then Chelsea and Rose shoved me into a chair and made me eat. It couldn't have been after eight in the morning.

"I can't believe you're sixteen," my mother cooed. But all parents are supposed to say that, so I just ignored her.

Then I got to unwrap presents.

The presents given by Heidi, Tanya, and Irina were opened first. They were gorgeous and beautiful and perfect and I almost cried. Calligraphy pens. And not ordinary calligraphy pens—Venetian glass calligraphy pens that must have cost a fortune. They came with red ink, which made me grin.

"I thought you'd feel like a Hogwarts student, forced to use one of Professor Umbridge's Blood Quills," Heidi offered with a grin of her own.

"We have the same mind," I said, hugging her tightly.

Many of the people around us rolled their eyes.

I opened the expected birthday card with a Jackson tucked inside from Aunt Victoria and Uncle James. Mom and Dad gave me _The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes _and a spectacular signed copy of Laurie Halse Anderson's _Speak_.

_They finally understand me_, I thought to myself, smiling widely at them when I thanked them.

Rose (and Jasper) gave me a box of _Transformers _band-aids (which I appreciated, as I simply could not use those gross, tan kind), two sets of walkie-talkies (which was one of the best presents I'd ever been given_, ever_), and an alarm clock shaped like the blue-bandana'd teenage mutant ninja turtle Leonardo. I was ecstatic about that one. Leonardo could wake me up now.

Dr. and Mrs. Cullen, who had given to my parents my gift at the party, gave me a toaster oven. _A toaster oven._ I was totally obsessed with it. We'd never had one before, and I was always getting agitated when I burned my cinnamon toast in the regular oven. I called them to thank them when I felt it was an appropriate time to wake someone up on a Sunday, an etiquette my relatives had seemed to forget.

Riley had thoughtfully given me two twenty-five-dollar gift cards to Borders, which I would undoubtedly use up in a matter of days. I kissed him on the cheek and told him quietly it was exactly what I wished everyone would get me.

"Alec and Jane" gave me a sparkly red electric toothbrush. This present made me very happy.

I was a four-year-old on the inside, I know.

I saved Alice's for last. I was almost afraid to open it in front of everyone else. Her gifts were always the most private, the most dear to my heart. My hands shook as I unwrapped the simple blue wrapping paper to find something truly gorgeous. It was a music box, a tiny one attached to a chain. And as I inspected the beautiful wooden charm, the little wind-up instrument at the bottom, and the tinkling of music, I knew Alice had made this herself. It was the best gift I'd ever received.

I tackled her to the floor and hugged the bejeezus out of her.

"Thank you, Alice. You are… beyond words."

"I know," she replied with a Cheshire grin.

"Sweetie," my mother said. "There's another present."

She handed me a box, wrapped intricately and prettily and with no card. I had no idea who had given it to me.

At least, not until I opened it.

It was a _towel_.

The anger that curled up inside me, the disbelief, was consuming.

_Edward Cullen_ _shall die._

_What kind of… What was he…_ _Just…WHY?_

Alice and Rose were obviously working not to laugh, but I was just so mad! I mean, who did he think he was!

My mother loved this towel—thought it was just great because it was monogrammed with my initials.

_Oh, if only you knew, Mother, you wouldn't like it half as much._

And that moment—when I received a gosh darn towel for my birthday present, as a reminder of all past embarrassments I'd suffered because of him, of the insecurity I felt because I was only a young, impressionable girl of sixteen, from Edward Cullen—I knew a couple of certainties.

One, it was more than a crush I had on Edward Almighty Cullen. It shocked me like an electric eel. It was more than love. I felt that "soul mate" nonsense Alice talked of swirl in my stomach and in my veins and in my head, felt it for Edward. But I'd think more on that infuriating and terrifying realization later on, when I wasn't steaming mad at him.

And two, a war had just begun.

* * *

So, I'm not to sure about this chapter. And remember! Reviews make the words flow faster!


	5. The Beginning of Malice

Work had me swamped for a while. I loved the bookstore and its easygoing vibe and my easygoing hours, but sometimes I wanted to pine for Edward in my own room, you know? And especially when Mrs. Cullen would stop by, and her hair and her eyes would look just like his, I'd be moody and glum. But sometimes the bookstore would cheer me up. Platt's had lots of regular customers who loved Mrs. Cullen and her bang-up job of printed retail. I knew most customers by name now, and they knew me, and they were all great.

My favorite, however, was Mr. and Mrs. Black. Billy and Sue were a bit on the elderly side, I think in their eighties. They were so sweet and frail and so hilarious together.

Watching them now, I was smiling, imagining Edward and me that old and in love. See? Edward can make me happy sometimes.

"William!" Sue called to Billy from just a few feet away. "I want to read _Romeo and Juliet_ again."

"But Sue, my love, you hate the ending," Billy argued.

Her large dark eyes swiveled to find his and she glared hard, making me giggle softly into my hand. "Then you'll just have to make up a better ending then, won't you?"

Billy smiled, patting her hand. "Of course, dear."

&&&&&&&

Look, it's not like I let Jane off the hook every time she screwed up my life. No, no, no, I could hold my own. Once, I'd hacked into her computer, stolen her essay due the following week, and posted it on some website where you can buy papers and assignments to turn in so that she'd be accused of plagiarism when she was in tenth grade. Another time, I'd scratched her arms in just the right way so that it looked as though she had a wrist-slitting problem while she was dead-asleep after getting completely trashed at a party in which she told people I wet the bed until I was twelve (which wasn't true), and made an anonymous call to the high school guidance counselor. Jane had to go to her every day for four months until she was convinced that she wasn't cutting any more.

I could be clever, too.

So when I said war, I meant war.

The following Saturday after my birthday, Alice invited me over to spend the night. I packed the towel and a special ingredient in my overnight bag and headed over to the Cullens'.

After I knew Edward was asleep, I went into his private bathroom, slipped the towel he'd given me onto the towel rack beside his shower so that he'd see it in the morning and be all "uh-oh." I also mixed his shampoo with this above-mentioned special ingredient, excited for tomorrow after his routine morning shower. Soul mate or not, this kid was going down.

Edward came down the next morning to the kitchen as Alice and I were eating fuming. At me, of course. Alice was laughing uncontrollably when she saw him and I feigned a concerned look.

"Oh my, Edward, what happened to your hair?" I asked with a shocked quality, covering my mouth with my hands.

His glorious hair was now a purplish tone with the blue Kool-Aid with which I had tainted his shampoo the previous night.

"Edward!" Alice gasped. "School pictures are tomorrow!"

Now I couldn't help but laugh; I had planned it so perfectly.

"Your hair's purple, Edward," I told him nonchalantly, taking a bite of my toast. "Maybe you should try to wash it off with that new towel you have in your bathroom. You know, the one with my initials on it."

He was so, so mad.

"My hair is purple, Bella," he said in a very low, frightening-if-it-weren't-so-funny voice. "My hair will be purple for the yearbook picture."

"That's really too bad." I sounded anything but sympathetic.

"You're gonna pay, Swan," he swore, storming off to his room shortly after he cursed me a little bit.

Alice and I looked at one another, trying not to laugh, and failing miserably.

&&&&&&&&&&

When I was younger, maybe six, I woke up one Saturday morning to find a brown, skinny, eight-legged creature hanging centimeters away from my face. I didn't scream, didn't cry, but I just sat and stared at that thing. That is, until it dropped down a little more, and then I hid underneath my covers until my mom came to get me for lunch.

Ever since this fateful incident, I've had a severe case of arachnophobia, with an emphasis on _severe_, and it gets worse with age.

This particular fear of venomous creepy-crawlers very much included black and furry and enormous tarantulas. I still wasn't sure how Edward found out about my spider terror, but he did, and that was why a few days after the yearbook picture photos were taken—you know, the one where he was sporting his purple hair phase— I found this vile arachnid in my locker, crawling and itching and spreading its sticky spider goo all over my books. The familiar chills went up and down my spine; I shivered, shook, and breathed in and out very deeply, to no avail.

Edward was probably waiting nearby to see my reaction, unknowing just how _emphatically severe _my phobia was, because his was the first voice I heard when I came to after fainting.

Now, I very rarely swore unless I felt the situation was warranted because I found it unladylike. It goes to show just how very angry I was at Edward when I woke up with a dizzying headache, and a serious concussion, in the hospital after my "little" fainting spell at school.

"You motherfucking son of a bitch!" I screamed at him. "You awful, hateful, dickless dumbass! Oh, you sickening, cock-sucking—"

"Isabella Marie Swan," my father reprimanded blandly, not even looking up from his man magazine. I think he thought my swearing was warranted, too.

What had happened was this:

I saw the spider, I became hysterical at the sight of said spider, I passed out from fear of said spider (which has only happened once before, in the presence of an escaped tarantula in my proximity while visiting the Seattle Zoo a few years ago), I hit my head quite bluntly on the unmerciful linoleum floor, and earned myself a concussion.

At least Edward looked sorry when he said it. Repeatedly.

"That—that—that _creature _better be removed from my locker by the time I get back to school today," I said pointedly, doing my best to turn toward him.

I was in the hospital bed still, and he had pulled up a chair beside it, so the angle was out-of-whack.

"Oh, Bella, you aren't going back to school today," Edward said as if it was obvious.

"Who says?" I demanded, crossing my arms over my chest.

"I do," three voices said simultaneously.

The voices were Edward, my dad, and Dr. Cullen as he caught the tail end of our conversation and breezed through my hospital cell.

I refrained from rolling my eyes.

"Where's Mom?" I asked Dad. I was sick of all these _boys_.

"At home," he answered, still without looking up from whatever fascinating article he was reading in _GQ. _

"But… you're the working parent. Not that I don't love you or anything, but why are _you _here?"

"I was bored," Dad said.

"You were… You're Seattle's Chief of Police!"

"And?"

"Doc," I said, focusing my attention on him now. "I feel fine—great, actually. And I also have a pressing appointment with a history test last period."

"Bella, you've been out longer than you think," Doc Cullen said gently. "School's been out for about three hours now."

I calculated the time from when lunch ended (right before I found the eight-legged pair of fangs in my locker) to school dismissal to three hours later. "You're saying I was knocked out for _six hours_?"

I glared at Edward, who had the decency to look ashamed.

"I'm _sorry_," he apologized again.

"Don't you have better things to do right now?" I asked him.

"Nah."

"Well, how long do I have to stay here? And how much is the hospital bill going to cost? And may I have my one phone call please?"

Doctor Cullen stared at me for a while before answering, "I'll let you go tomorrow morning. I want to keep you hear tonight just in case something goes wrong. I'm not even granting you the answer to your second question. And this isn't jail, Bella."

"I was kidding. Kind of."

Doc checked my chart, examined my head wound, and started to leave the cell.

"Edward will let you borrow his cell phone if you need to call anyone," he offered on the way out.

"On second thought, it can wait," I told him right before he was out of sight.

"Bella, come on," Edward pleaded. "I didn't plan on you getting hurt, I _swear_. I didn't want you to be hurt at all."

I raised an eyebrow. "Yeah? Well, then why did you put the thing there in the first place?"

"You dyed my hair purple. For the yearbook picture."

"I'm not repeating in front of the innocent ears of my father what you did to deserve the purple hair, which has washed out, I might add."

Dad promptly left the room.

After a moment of silence, Edward said, "I don't see what was so wrong about giving you a birthday present."

"It symbolized something that was… less than _right_."

"What did it symbolize, Isabella?"

"Bella," I corrected before answering, "It symbolized my lack of a towel that one day when I—well, you know."

He grinned. "Do I?"

"You gave me a _concussion_, dude. I would not go in that direction if I were you."

He nodded solemnly. "Right."

I heaved a sigh. "When are you leaving?"

"I'm rooted to this spot until you fall asleep."

"Heck no," I responded.

"I waited for you to wake up, I'll wait for you to go to sleep."

"But what if I don't want you here?"

"That depends. _Do _you want me here?"

"Not especially."

"Then I'm staying."

"No, I change my mind. I want you here."

"Good, now we don't have to argue about it."

He was going to give me another concussion just from the splitting headache he was going to cause.

Not only did the headache not come, but it was because of Edward's presence. He had a ridiculous effect on me, and with every passing second, my emotions for him grew stronger.

&&&&&&&&

A week after my accident, after I'd fully recovered, I bit Edward back.

I entered his e-mail and shipping address into nearly a dozen websites that sent a variety of things from self-pleasure "toys" to pornographic paraphernalia. The things I bought on his account were express-ordered, so they'd be arriving soon. I really, really hoped they would be delivered when Mrs. Cullen was home, but even if he saw the boxes first, it would still be worth it.

And trust— I knew when he had been alerted to their arrival.

He didn't confront me, didn't act abnormally. I knew because there was a pair of panties with various Disney princesses pinned on the events and announcements school bulletin board right in the middle of the hallway, and that pair of panties happened to belong to me. Of course, now everyone who walked by knew that, as my name was written in Sharpie on the inside.

At this time in my development, I realized two things. Hurtful things.

The first was that my arch nemesis (Jane Swan) was helping him. She was the one who told him about the spiders, and she was the one who handed over the undies.

All day long and the days after that I was ridiculed. Even with Rosalie and Alice and Alice's new almost-boyfriend Jasper by my side the laughter persevered. I tried not to let it get to me, but I was easily embarrassed, and most of the school had seen the offending yet inconsequential panties, and those who knew my name continued to make me feel less than what I was. Even so, even after I tried to hate him, I couldn't love him less. And I also knew it was Jane's idea; Edward might have gone along with it, but the idea was pure Jane.

The second realization happened later on that day, when I actually saw him. Rosalie, who had been walking with me when we saw the bulletin board, had snatched the Disney-printed underwear down and glared icily at anyone who dared look at me in a demeaning way. She was also standing right behind me, though out of sight of Edward, when I came across him in the hall.

I was going to walk right by him, feel that itch inside of me at his nearness and ignore it until he was out of range. But _he _stopped _me _before Rose could once again be my protector. Someone should've given me a Swiss army knife for my birthday. Or maybe brass knuckles.

"Hey, Bella," he said, grinning. "I've seen more of you than I have _ever _wanted to see." As an afterthought, he added much to my pain by saying, "And your undergarments, too." He said it loud enough for others to hear, and he'd implied to those people that we'd _done _things, things reserved in my mind for people in love.

I blew out a long, shaky breath and bit my lip. My ears burned, my eyes burned, my cheeks burned, my stomach burned, and it was so harsh and it _hurt_. And I still couldn't bring myself to hate him for what he was saying. My realization was this: my love for him was even immune to his cruelty. And that hurt, too. If this was all I was going to be for the rest of my life, I'd hurt for… well, a long time.

"Why?" My voice cracked revealingly. My throat burned now, too.

"Why?" he repeated, then he threw his head back and laughed. He was still so handsome, his long neck convulsing with brutal mirth. "Why'd _you_ send those care packages to me?"

My courage said for me, "Well, let's observe this for a second. What I did? That was private, forgettable. _Forgivable_. What you did? You subjected me to public humiliation." I stepped close to him, almost touching our middles together, wanting to look up at him, wanting not to let my eyes moisten with salty-sticky tears and failing. I let my eyes flick to his for just an instant, not long enough to even see him, and tore away, trying desperately not to run away from him.

&&&&&&&&&&

My main focus these days were not on Edward, but on Alice. And then to occupy myself after that, I would see to Rose's happiness.

Phase three was simple enough. To keep up with our progress with matching Alice and Jasper together without any trickery involved, we would just steal Alice away for a few days. Keep her from him with things like extra studying, more excuses like "Alice, will you come to work with me today? We have _tons _of new books coming in and I need some serious assistance with shelving them." I could see plainly the irritation on Jasper's face each time Rose or I would pull her away from him to talk about something "urgent."

This would be easy as pie, I knew, hitching Alice and Jasper.

Rosalie's dream, however, would be difficult.

I felt sometimes that my own dream surpassed both of them.

&&&&&&&&&

Remember I said once that I would rather be invisible than forgotten? Well, I lied. Ever since my little painful outburst in the hall Edward avoided me like the plague. Sometimes I wished that things could go back to the way things were before Jane stole the towels from the bathroom, but I would rather know about my quiet and unreturned love for Edward now than _think _I loved someone down the line and find out later that my one true love was way in my past and not be able to remember how I felt—miserable or ecstatic—when I was around him.

Mr. and Mrs. Black invited me over for dinner one Friday, and after I accepted, I handed over Plan "Hide Alice" to Rose for the night.

Their house smelled of Christmas trees, even though it wasn't even Christmas yet, and the rugs of my furniture reminded me a lot of my dead grandmother. It wasn't as unpleasant as it sounds, though. It was comforting and warm; the Black residence was homey.

Mrs. Black cooked. She made some chicken casserole dish with lots of cheese on it, and there were long dark green beans. Just as she was about to serve Mr. Black and me dessert, she remembered something.

"Oh dear!" she cried. "I should invite that young man in for dinner. Oh, how could I forget?"

She rushed around to "fix him a plate" and whisked our desserts away. We were to be served dinner again and pretend like we hadn't eaten yet.

"What young man?" I asked Mr. Black when Mrs. Black went to go get him from the backyard, where he'd been painting Mr. Black's old tool shed all afternoon.

Mrs. Black came strolling in then, rubbing her dishcloth between her hands. "It's that dear Esme Platt's son. When I told her about Billy's tool shed project, she insisted her son do it. He's such a lovely boy, isn't he, Billy?"

On one hand, I could endure the inevitably awkward and possibly destructive second dinner. On the other hand, I could excuse myself for the sake of a sudden family emergency.

I was about to take the coward's way out when Mr. Black shouted, "Sue! Get the boy more grub on his plate! He's been out there for hours—he'll need more than that measly portion you're giving him! And Miss Isabella, would you kindly get the boy's coat?"

My insides were acidic, my fingers felt cold. This wasn't like school where there were many people and many distractions, this wasn't a place I could ignore him or he could ignore me like usual. Not a place where I could easily hide my emotions, my disappointment, my hurt. Of that much I was aware. This was a small home with an elderly couple where fate happened to horribly entwine the both of us.

Without looking at him, I stepped close enough for my arms to reach out and grab his coat, to rack it on the long wooden coat hanger by the front door. I felt the cool of Seattle autumn on him, smelled the strong stench of wet paint and his very own clean soapy scent. The inside of his jacket was warm, and I suspected the body it had encased was of the same temperature, and I longed for him to hold me with his arms. I wanted this smell, this crisp air on me, in my hair. I just wanted him to be a part of me.

I scurried back to my seat, and Edward sat beside me, with the Blacks sitting across from us.

"Now, Miss Isabella, do you and Mrs. Platt's boy know each other?"

I smiled at the fact that the Blacks still called Mrs. Cullen by her maiden name, even though they'd added the "Mrs." title on to it. I'm sure Edward had to say the name again in his mind to understand to the question.

"Yes," I answered. "We're neighbors, actually."

Mr. Black grinned at Edward suddenly, then turned his attention to me.

"You wouldn't happen to be close to the boy's sister, would you?"

I felt Edward's mood change beside me, his back stiffen.

Confused, I nodded. "Alice. She's my best friend."

Mr. Black grinned mischievously at Edward again, like they had a private joke.

I looked over to see if Edward was responding to this supposed inside joke and saw that the muscles in his neck were taut, his breathing quicker.

"Are you okay?" I whispered.

He just nodded tightly.

"Now, you two, tell me. Do you play any instruments?" Mrs. Black asked conversationally.

After a beat of silverware clanking, I said, "Edward plays the piano" at the same time Edward said, "Yes, ma'am, the piano."

We looked to each other very briefly. This was the "awkward" bit I was talking about.

"And, Edward boy, concerning cake, do you prefer the icing or the cake part?" Mrs. Black asked.

She's asked me this question earlier in the evening, to which I'd responded the cake part, of course. Duh.

"I like the icing," Edward said.

"What?" I asked incredulously. Come on now.

"Problems, Isabella?" Edward said.

"The _cake _is the best part, obviously!" I argued. "It's why it's called a _cake._"

"But the icing adds the sweeter part. Everyone needs extra sugar in life."

I rolled my eyes and almost said, "You have a little _too much_ in yours." But since we were in the company of elders, who should be respected, I refrained.

Mrs. Black continued her bizarre questioning. I found that Edward and I had very, very little in common. The things we did have in common were a shared view of cleanliness (you should be fairly tidy, but not so much so that your environment is sterile), similar taste in music (we both loved Pink Floyd and disliked Blue Oyster Cult), we liked the same foods, and our senses of humor were twin.

The things we did not have in common, Mrs. Black assured us, made us one of the most compatible couples she'd ever seen in her life. When Edward and I argued that we were _most definitely not _a couple, she lifted an eyebrow and said she only meant the dictionary definition of a pair of two. We were both blushing then.

The night was entertaining, to say the least, but I didn't begin to hope that anything had changed.

&&&&&&&&&&&&

I had a dream about Edward. It was just a snippet, as I very rarely remember full dreams, but I got the gist of it.

Basically, it was that fateful, towel-less day, but Edward and I had switched places. The dream started with me opening my bedroom door, and then being ordered by a low, panicked voice to stop, followed by my disobeying of the order, and seeing a naked Edward Cullen in the middle of my hallway. It ended right there and I woke up a confused, startled mess of ragged breathing.

It was 3:30 in the morning when I woke up, and passing up the offer of other naked Edward dreams, I hauled out of the bed to make myself some breakfast.

Jane was in the kitchen.

"Hey, Belly," she said tiredly.

"Janie," I greeted in kind.

"What are you doing up so early?"

"Nightmare," I replied.

She nodded. "Sorry. Those suck."

I nodded, too.

It was one of those rare moments where Jane wasn't my arch nemesis, where I wasn't the annoying kid sister Jane wanted to ruin. We were just sisters.

I didn't want it to change, so I made myself a perfect piece of toast with my new toaster oven, and went back upstairs to sleep.

If I had anymore naked Edward dreams, I didn't remember them.

&&&&&&&&&&

The storm awoke me on Monday morning. Grudgingly, I swung my legs over the bed and washed and dressed and groomed myself and waited for Rose.

Sitting and looking outside the long windows at Maggie's, the lightning still shone occasionally and the thunder growled terribly, the rain pelting hard liquid ice.

It was a dreary day from the get-go.

When I opened my locker, however, my day brightened considerably. There was a box of Raisinets—my favorite.

I knew who gave it to me. One of the questions Mrs. Black asked us on Friday night was what our favorite candies were.


	6. The Holidays

It was really no surprise that Emmett Cullen came home for Thanksgiving. It was sort of a woeful, regrettable occurrence for me though because I'd have to be quick on me feet to concoct some sort of innocent plan to lure Emmett to Jailbait, aka Rosalie.

Another problem about Thanksgiving was family. They all came to _our _house every year, even Heidi and Aunt Claire. The Cullens were always invited, too. And even if it was the holidays, I wasn't ready to talk to Edward yet. Sure, he gave me Raisinets, but it's not like it's a huge gesture. In fact, I threw them in the trash can on the path to my first class because there was probably something inside the box that was not chocolate-covered raisins.

On a happier note concerning Thanksgiving, my favorite part was going to the store the day before that Thursday with Mom. She was in such a frenzy to get all the right ingredients that I could just stick anything in the cart and she'd never notice. The amount of Little Debbie Star Crunches and Cosmic Brownies I consume every year in those few days off for Thanksgiving break is disgusting but also awe-inspiring.

Another benefit was the children. Some more extended family members swung by so their kids could socialize, and they ranged from infancy to about five years old, including Aunt Claire's son Seth. I was always the designated babysitter, and, even if I got frustrated at times, I loved kids, loved taking care of them.

So other than the illegal junk food and the volunteer babysitting job, I was of the opinion that Thanksgiving sucked.

Mom and I ran into Mrs. Cullen while we were at the grocery store on Wednesday. While they were talking about their successful, college sons, I snuck in the Little Debbies. I threw in some Swiss Rolls for good measure because Alice liked them. I was about to get some of those cookies with the big chocolate chunks in them when Alice herself appeared beside me.

"Hey, I decided to come with Mom 'cause I figured you'd be here. I need to talk to you," she said.

"I got you Swiss Rolls."

"Thanks, sweet. Really, though, you haven't been answering your phone."

I fished around in my new-school-year messenger bag for my cell phone. I must have left it at home.

Shrugging, I asked her, "What is it?"

"Jasper's going to be at your house for Thanksgiving, right?"

"Yeah…"

"Well, Phase Three says that I can't be in his vicinity for more than fifty seconds at a time, so it constitutes a problem as we'll be thrown together for multiple hours tomorrow."

I bit my lip and tilted my head in my thinking pose. Alice was right. Jasper was my cousin, so he'd obviously be there tomorrow for Thanksgiving, and Alice and her family would be there as well. And that made me think of Rosalie and Emmett.

Going over it in my head, I had some problems here. I had to simultaneously keep Alice from Jasper while they were in the same house, subtly prompt Emmett toward Rose, and avoid Edward.

Ugh, I hate Thanksgiving.

"Well," I told Alice, "let's see. All you have to do is stay out of Jasper's reach for about ten minutes while you make some rounds, let enough people see you and talk to you, and then you can just disappear in my room. People won't care as long as they know you're around. If Jasper asks, Rose and I'll make some excuse. It'll be fine."

Alice thought this over a minute before nodding. "Okay. Good plan."

"Yes, I know, now scat. I have shopping to do."

&&&&&&&&&&&

Thanksgiving Day. We were only about two hours in and I was already exhausted. Alice was already safely tucked away in my room, and almost everyone was here already. Rose was making herself pretty for her grand debut and I was about to go upstairs in the makeshift nursery with seven-plus children. Their parents were getting annoyed.

And _thankfully, _I had yet to see Edward.

I heard snippets of conversation as I passed people.

I heard Aunt Victoria inquire to my mother about some distant cousin, "Did he lose weight or is it just my imagination?"

My mother replied, "It's just your imagination."

I smiled as I heard Aunt Kate discussing wrong number etiquette with someone.

"I just have a nerve to call this woman leaving message after message on my machine and say, 'I'm not gonna bring the cookies Thursday 'cause you've got the wrong number!'"

Aunt Carmen, her eyes trained on the ballgame, asked her husband, "Why don't the basketball players where those 70s shorts anymore? Give the women somethin' to look at."

After about thirty minutes in the nursery, Aunt Carmen's topic of conversation unfortunately led my mind to envision Edward in 70s style basketball shorts.

Just as I thought of him, my dad's cousin's sleeping newborn son Tyler started to wail in his crib.

I picked him up from the crib I'd set up (it was the one I'd had as a baby) and rocked him, whispering nursery rhymes in his ear. Even when he started to calm down, I knew he wasn't going to fall back asleep, so I just continued to hold him as I pointed out to a family friend's whiny five-year-old where the Legos were and as I cleaned up the mess of glue Seth had made in the corner. I hid the glue up on a shelf after that.

There was this one kid who was totally insane. He was so hyperactive, running around in circles, pretending to be a pilot, then a submarine driver. I mean, this kid ran on batteries.

Jared, an adorable dark-skinned cousin of Seth and Leah's, wouldn't stop crying.

"Where does it hurt, Jared?" I asked him.

"My back!" he shouted.

"Your lower back?"

"No! Every back!"

I had to hide my smile in the crook of Tyler's tiny little neck while I went and got the IcyHot.

Not too soon later, we had another injury.

"Oh, Whitney, sweetie, don't cry," I cooed, bringing the teary and sniffling toddler to me. Tyler was still held on my hip, so it was a little awkward to hug her but she was so little and soft. Apparently, Johnny—the Lego hunter—had thrown one of the pieces at her and it had hit her in the finger. A little red spot on her index finger showed she wasn't lying.

"Do you want a band-aid?" I asked her.

She nodded.

I tried to remember if I'd brought any up here, and realized I didn't. They'd be in the medicine cabinet downstairs. In the kitchen.

"Oh, brother," I muttered under my breath.

I took Whitney's hand in my free one and started to go down the stairs toward H-E-double-hockey-sticks.

It was loud and busy and I'm sure Tyler would become irritable again with all the smells and the noise, so I tried to get in and out as soon as possible. I grabbed the band-aids and walked quickly to the stairs with the two children when Whitney was scooped up by someone.

Why was he always just appearing everywhere?

"I've been wondering where you were," Edward told me as we sat in the nursery. He'd followed me up about two hours earlier to carefully bend the _Transformers _band-aid around Whitney's tiny finger, as if she was a valued little doll he was fixing. And he'd stayed. "Didn't expect you to be _here_." He looked around at small room and the children, who had become quiet upon his arrival.

"Every year," I answered. I was trying not to talk much, or look at him.

Tyler stirred in my arms, nestling his little face in my shirt.

"Shh," I whispered softly to him.

"You're good with babies," Edward said awkwardly.

I was just going to ignore that, but it seemed it was Awkward Edward day.

"I mean, you know just how to hold him and what to do… It's weird because you're the youngest, right? It's not like you can have a lot of experience…"

_How you do go on_, _Edward_, I thought, silently amused.

"I like children," I said as way of an explanation.

"So do I," he said, smiling at Whitney.

Whitney had really taken to him, I'd noticed. They'd played a game of Go Fish and after we'd fed them, most of them had become sleepy. Whitney was one of the last, but now she was nodding off, too.

Oh, _why _did he have to like children, too?

We were silent for a while, waiting for Whitney to finally give way to her fatigue. Once she did, Edward carried her over and set her in the narrow bed next to Tyler's crib in the corner.

_Nap time_, I thought, grinning. Peace and quiet. _Time to bring out the stash._

I pulled out with my one free hand my precious box of sprinkle-studded brownies.

"Whoa!" Edward said softly, aware of the slumbering children. "Where did those come from?"

"Maybe if you quit ending sentences with prepositions, I'll tell you," I replied.

"Excuse me. From where did those brownies appear?" he amended.

Nodding, I tossed him a package. "The grocery store."

He rolled his eyes at me but was smart and just ate his brownies. I wished suddenly for Raisinets.

It was quiet for a long time, and I rocked Tyler until his eyes began to flutter closed. He wasn't sleeping, but he was on the verge of it.

"Bella?"

"Hmm?"

"I—I'm sorry. About the, uh, your—"

"Princess panties," I finished. "Well, thank you for apologizing."

"Are you going to forgive me?" he asked, picking needlessly at the hem of the red polo shirt Mrs. Cullen probably made him wear for today.

This conversation was why I had been avoiding him, even if he was avoiding me, too. But I suppose now was as good a time as any.

I shifted uncomfortably before answering him, and when I did, I tried to evade.

"That's a difficult question to answer," I said.

"But not unanswerable," he prodded.

I pretended to contemplate my response for a while, even though I'd known that he'd be forgiven all along. How could I not? Sure, he did a nasty thing, but I did, too. So I told him what my head was screaming at me to do.

My gaze was trained on Tyler's soft baby hair when I whispered simply, "I forgive you." It's why I didn't see his hand reach out to touch my bare forearm, and why I snapped in my core when he did.

"He's asleep," Edward said softly, nudging Tyler out of my arms and into his. He hesitated, though, and I knew that was because he thought he wouldn't hold the baby right.

"Here," I said, pulling Edward's arms in the right position to accept the baby comfortably. "That's perfect," I commended.

I stepped back as if to observe some work of art. The sight of Edward Cullen holding baby Tyler shocked me enough to be totally unconscious of the staring I was bound to be doing. It _was _like a work of art, the gentleness, the calm. Tyler was perfectly at ease and Edward looked more content than I'd ever seen him. I swallowed painfully as a lump rose in my throat.

I was such a sap!

Edward carried Tyler to the crib and laid him down very carefully, just like he carefully bandaged Whitney's finger.

"Have you eaten?" Edward asked me after Tyler was settled.

I shook my head in the negative.

"Come on," he said, offering his arm like a calling suitor. My smile was small but genuine as my hand was placed on his arm and he led me down to the crowded kitchen.

I couldn't take my time to eat because I had to get back upstairs to the nursery, but I savored every second I had with Edward.

&&&&&&&&&&&

Rose made no progress with Emmett over the holiday, but she always had the longer Christmas break to work (which, frankly, supplied a better chance for her what with all the delightful Christmas "cheer" or as others call it, "eggnog").

Phase Three was going swimmingly. Jasper was getting seriously agitated, and he even snapped at me once when I had to "borrow" Alice for a few minutes (or hours) to ask her a question about an upcoming history test. Alice seemed to be getting agitated, too.

I decided to put forth Phase Four: The Seduction.

Really, it's not that bad. She just had to do things that appealed to Jasper like laugh that musical little giggle more often, grin mischievously more often, and, of course, she'd have to bend down to get things she dropped more often. I was almost positive this would seal the deal.

Mr. and Mrs. Black invited me to dinner quite a few times, but Edward had only been there by extreme coincidence for that first time. I was always admittedly disappointed when no more coincidences came to light. Platt's Books was doing well this season. Many people wanted to just curl up with a good book in front of the fire in this dreary, freezing weather, I supposed.

And just because Edward and I took a time-out during our prank war meant nothing. The night before we went back to school, I asked Alice if she could do me a favor. Edward came to school the next day with an earring in his right earlobe. People called him a queer all day long.

When I saw him, I leaned in on my tiptoes to peer at it and said, "I sure hope it doesn't get infected."

Alice had done it by surprise. I lent her an earring—disinfected with alcohol, of course—since she didn't want to use any of hers and she did exactly what I just did: leaned up as if to observe something in his hair and just jabbed that sucker right in his ear.

Man, was he P.O.'d at me.

After I mentioned "infection" he grabbed an arm and dragged me into the nearest men's bathroom to give me a talking-to. I really didn't hear much of what he said because my focus switched from the pirate-esque hoop in his ear to the fury in his dark green eyes—they were the color of that fire that the witch-slash-dragon breathes at the end of _Sleeping Beauty_. I just agreed with everything he said while he yelled and threatened as if I was actually intent on what he was saying.

It was a great day 'cause I could not stop smiling.

Edward, on the other hand, wore an adorable, perpetual scowl.

&&&&&&&&&&&&

Team Edward + Jane struck again just days later. It was a pretty smart rig, but not for someone like me. I've told you that I wake up early, and I'm not groggy or senseless in the mornings like Jane and Edward probably expected me to be. That is why I didn't trip over the white string on my white carpet outside my white doorframe that was supposed to (when I tripped over the string) release a bucket of warm, smelly, sticky, sickly white milk right on me as I was supposed to leave for school. Not only could I smell it, but the top of my door was low enough so that if I was on my tip-toes I could see the milk still in its container.

_The joke's on you, fiends, _I thought, stepping right over the white string with a satisfied smile.

On my down the hall, I stopped at Jane's room, banged on the door a few times, shouted, "Nice try, Janie!" and continued on down the stairs, eager for some breakfast at Maggie's.

At lunch, I intentionally got a carton of milk—not that I was going to drink it; I'm lactose intolerant— and sat down with Edward, Jane, Alec, and Alice. I didn't even know where Jasper and Rosalie were.

Alice, after noticing my milk, quoted, "'If you drink much from a bottle marked 'poison' it is almost certain to disagree with you, sooner or later.'"

I rolled my eyes, and looked at her pointedly. In my mind, I was saying, _Honestly, Alice Liddell, I'm not going to _drink _the "poison." I'm just making a point._

It was when Alice brought it to attention that Edward and Jane actually looked at me. My sister, glancing at the carton of milk, looked decidedly ill.

"Bells-a-ringin', what was with all the fuckin' noise this morning?" Alec asked. "You must have been awake at the fuckin' crack of dawn."

"Sorry if I woke you up," I apologized. I deliberately didn't answer his question.

I looked at Jane, about to sincerely apologize to her if I woke her up with my "noise" this morning, too, but before I could, I noticed something.

"Jane… what's in you hair?" I inquired, reaching over to observe the lock of dark hair. It was just as I suspected; there was something that clearly wasn't water dried sticky in her hair. Call me crazy, but I thought it might have been milk.

I smirked at her. "Oh, Jane," I said. "Did I forget to tell you not to go in my room this morning? Gosh, I'm sorry. I suppose I don't have to tell you now, but there was some contraption above my door that dumped this stuff"—holding up the milk carton—"on anyone who passed the threshold. I guess you were victimized, huh?"

She seethed at me.

I wondered why she hadn't taken a shower to get it all out, but I figured she'd been running late and only had time do dunk her head under the sink. Again, ha.

Edward was looking pretty green at the moment as well.

"Something wrong, Edward?" I asked.

When he didn't say anything, I shrugged.

"Am I missing something here?" Alec asked. "'Cause if any of you guys are fuckin' with me—"

"No one's messing with you," Edward confirmed in a low voice.

"Well, Bella and I have to get to class. You know, to keep up with our straight A's. See ya!" Alice called over her shoulder as she dragged me by the arm toward the trashcans.

"What happened now?" she asked.

"Exactly what you heard. They must have done it while I was asleep."

"So, what I got from that extremely short conversation was that Edward and Jane set up some—some sort of childish string-attached-to-a-bucket-of-live-worms deal, except with a substance you're highly allergic to and made a mistake somewhere?"

"I saw the string."

Alice grinned. "'Atta girl."


	7. The Beginning and End of a Truce

Before I set my next prank in action, I let Edward have another chance, and I was waiting on edge for it.

In the meantime, however, I had other things to do.

Like buy Christmas presents.

I walked into the mall, tried to find something worth my money, and drove back home empty-handed three hours later.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Christmas passed uneventfully, except for Alice and Jasper's new relationship. Alice explained it as over-the-top romantic when he proposed the idea for them to be bf/gf. She had to pause almost every other sentence to laugh uproariously before resuming the story. Apparently, Jasper had taken her to an IMAX film then suddenly decided to (gasp!) visit the planetarium. He charmingly pointed up to a star he now deemed the "Alice star" and asked her in a soft, unassuming voice if she'd like to be with him as _more than friends_. When she'd purposefully asked in fake outrage if he meant friends with benefits, he was "appalled" and quickly pulled out a bracelet with the letter J hanging on it.

"'Please be my official lady love, Alice?'" Alice mimicked. "I swear to you, Bella, that is exactly what he said."

Rosalie had yet to sink her glittery claws into Emmett.

And, of course, the war was on hold for the holidays. Except for the adorable little trick Edward played at the Swan Family Christmas Party when he stuck mistletoe over every doorway of my house right before I'd walk underneath so I'd have to bear the cheek kisses of my pseudo stalker Eric Yorkie whose parents were conveniently good friends with mine. I wished multiple times that he wouldn't be quick enough getting away so _he'd _have to kiss me. Though I'd rather Edward kiss me out of willingness, not some sleazy holiday tradition.

Other than that, no prankage was happening there.

It wasn't until mid-January when it started back up again, close to Alice's birthday, and even closer to the All-American Rejects concert she'd invited me—not Jasper—to attend with her.

Edward scooped up his own tickets and tagged along, Alec in tow.

He made inappropriate comments at every turn and asked crude questions like "Will you wash my dog, Bella?" But that wasn't the end of it. His finale was to _jump up on stage _during the band's break pretending to be drunk and proposing marriage to me. Usually, I would be either super embarrassed or super hurt. But this time I was just so super _not amused_.

Alice—bless her—drove us home early and listened to me rant about her idiotic brother all night.

Edward found half of his left eyebrow shaved off the next morning.

&&&&&&&&&&&

I won't even tell you about my Valentine's Day.

&&&&&&&&&&&

Almost every night my family has a nice sit-down dinner together, my mom mentions a single man or a woman and another single woman or man that she thought would make a great match. It always irritated me.

Tonight, when she said, "I wish Tom Gerandy would find a nice girl to marry," I announced, annoyed, "Not _everyone _needs a significant other to be happy, Mom."

She looked at me, surprised.

"Well, they don't!" I said. "I mean, Dr. Gerandy is probably doing just fine at night with the copy of _The Crucible _he bought yesterday."

Jane started to laugh under her breath, and I glared at her.

"Honey, I know that," Mom said. "I just think they'd be happi_er_."

I rolled my eyes and excused myself to my room.

Mom, later that night, came into my room.

"Sweetie, are you having boy troubles?" she asked.

"No."

"Are you sure? You're not usually so cynical about love."

"We weren't talking about love," I informed her. "We were talking about your forward and unnecessary matchmaking."

She only looked at me in that way only a mother can to get me to finally spill.

"Maybe I'm having boy troubles."

"Do you want to tell me about it?" she asked, sitting down next to me on my bed.

"Not really. No offense, but I don't even want to think about it myself."

She nodded understandingly, and stood to get up.

"You know, Bella, you can always talk to Jane if you're uncomfortable talking to me."

I pressed my lips together, thinking about that. Realistically, I knew that my relationship with my sister wasn't in a place where I could talk to her about boys. But that didn't mean I didn't want it.

& & & & & &

After enough provocation, enough hostility, and enough fatigue over empty pranks, anyone would try to reconcile with an enemy. So I decided to be the better person, and I sought a truce with Jane.

Knocking softly on her door, I called, "Jane! Can I come in?"

"Whatever," was her muffled reply.

"When I opened the door, I saw her lying on her stomach, her head at the foot of the bed reading a book. I suddenly felt a sense of kinship—the sisterly kind—welling up because that was my most familiar reading position, too.

"Jane, I'd like a truce," I said frankly. A person doesn't beat around the bush with Jane.

"Why?" she asked blandly, eyes still trained on the black lettering on the pages of her novel. It was _My Antonia._

"BecauseI'm sick of us not getting along," I explained. "I want to be there for you and I want you to be there for me." I paused before resuming my speech. "I know we won't ever be best friends or anything, and I'm not naïve enough to think we'll be super close and never fight. But Janie. You're the only sister I have. And I'm the only sister you're ever going to get. So could we please act like it once in a while?"

_Whoa, _I thought. _That actually sounded convincing. _

Sometime during my talk, Jane looked up at me. She seemed to deliberate on it for a while before finally nodding her head in acquiescence.

"Fine, but don't think we'll be borrowing each other's clothes anytime soon," she warned.

I smiled in relief.

"Okay."

After a pause, I pursed my lips and decided to just go for it.

"Jane. Now that we have this great agreement and all… would you mind giving me some advice? I mean, Alice and Rose are no help and no way am I going to Mom…"

"What is it?" she asked.

"Have you ever really, really liked someone who doesn't like you back? And by really, really like I mean kinda sorta love. And did that person ever pretend like you didn't exist unless he was antagonizing you?"

"...No..."

"Well, can you… understand?"

"I'll try," Jane said, looking hesitant.

"Okay, well, how would a person get over being… in… love with someone that they know in their head could never return that affection but their stupid heart wouldn't let it go? I mean, not that my heart really feels anything because it's really the brain that tells the heart to beat, so really love is a mental thing—"

"Maybe it'll help if I know who it is, Bella," Jane offered.

I bit my lip, thinking of Jay Jenks.

"I hesitate, Jane. Remember JJ?"  
"Oh, Bella, come on. We have a truce now."

"As of two minuets ago."

"I promise it won't happen again," she said. She looked sincere…

"Edward Anthony Cullen," I admitted.

Jane gasped. "Nuh uh!"

"Uh huh," I squeaked, burying my face in my hands.

Jane pulled me into a sitting position on the bed.

"You're not kidding," she realized, looking at my flushed face.

"Isn't it dreadful?"

"Well, it isn't… as bad as it seems," she tried to console. "But Bella…"

"I know! I do, I know. He's a popular, gorgeous, college-bound track star. What am I thinking? But I'm _not_! I don't tell my brain how to feel or who to feel for!"

"Bella, calm down."

"Right. Sorry."

"How long have you felt this way about the neighbor?" she asked.

"A while. It hit me like a tranq bullet to the forehead when I opened that towel on my birthday, but I've had a crush on him since, like, third grade."

"Edward had braces when you were in third grade."

"He picked red and yellow for the colors, Jane. But it was clear that he wished the yellow was gold. He's a true—"

"Don't say Gryffindor."

"Okay, I won't. But it's still a redeeming quality," I added.

"Speaking of, my next question was what you like about him."

"Not a whole lot," I confessed.

"There must be something besides Harry Potter."

"Well, it always frustrates and angers me, but it _is_ a great skill. He never, ever gets caught, you know? Like Ferris Bueller."

Jane nodded.

"He's untouchable!" I said ardently, throwing my hands up.

She nodded again.

"Anything else?"

"Well, I'd like him better if he wasn't such a douche. Pardon my French."

"Nothing else?"

"Well, he's clever, I guess. No, I take that back. All the cleverness was coming from you."

"I thank you."

"I suppose I like him because he's good with family stuff. I was getting all choked up when he helped me watch the kids on Thanksgiving."

"Okay, now, you think you can get over him?"

"No, that's what you're here for."

She rolled her eyes.

"I can't tell your brain how to feel anymore than you can."

"Jane!" I whined.

"Listen, Bella, I think you should tell him."

I stiffened. "Jump back!" I exclaimed.

"No, I'm serious. Maybe it would help if you find out how he feels. What's to lose?"

"Uh… my pride, self-esteem, and dignity?"

"Honestly, Bella, don't be so dramatic."

"I can't tell him. I am under enough stress as it is with Alice/Jasper/Emmett/Rosalie business."

"My advice is to tell him," Jane persisted.

I groaned.

"See you tomorrow!" Jane said as I slammed the door behind me.

&&&&&

Edward started a rumor that I was a hermaphrodite; that's why I didn't ever date anybody. I mean, come on.

So I enlisted the help of my loyal friend Jay Jenks. He still felt guilty, so he accepted quickly. I told him exactly what to say, where to say it, who to say it to… Jay Jenks was a great actor, too. I got to watch the whole thing.

"Cullen, man," Jay Jenks laughed. "I know that to be false," he said, overhearing Edward telling someone else of my secret male reproductive organs.

This was believable because Edward knew I dated Jay Jenks.

Edward visibly tensed. "And _how _would you know that?"

"Let's just say Bella Swan and I are… very intimately acquainted."

The expression on Edward's face became blank. I snickered.

"What did you say?" Edward asked Jay Jenks.

"Bella is _definitely not _a hermaphrodite. I've seen firsthand." Jay Jenks laughed crudely, high-fiving one of his buddies standing beside me.

Edward stormed away in a flurry, passing right beside me without even noticing me. I laughed as I watched him walk all the way outside, his fists clenching at his sides.

_Ha, _I thought. _Your prank this time _backfired.

& & & & &

When Edward Cullen started banging on my bedroom door at seven o'clock that night, I was admittedly afraid.

_Oh my gosh, he's going to kill me. _

Even though I made sure _his _prank didn't work, I did one of my own after school.

"Unlock. The. Door."

I did, and then ran back to the bed.

"I'm sorry!" I cried. "I'll buy you a new pair, I promise."

"What?" he asked, his fury toning down a little in his confusion.

"Your lucky track shoes. I tied the shoelaces together and threw them up… in a tree?" I realized he hadn't seen them. "And you didn't know that…" I trailed.

"No," he said in a clipped tone. "I did not."

"Then why are you so mad?"

"Did you really have sex with Jenks?"

I grinned. Edward did not.

"Did you?" he persisted.

"Nah."

"Then why did he tell me that you did?!"

"Because I told him to," I said.

"Why?"

"You told everyone I was a hermaphrodite!" I yelled.

"You threw my lucky track shoes up in a tree!" he yelled louder.

"Because you told everyone I was a hermaphrodite!"

"Well, you shaved my eyebrow off!"  
"Because _you _mortally embarrassed me at the All-American Rejects concert! And I only shaved off half," I pointed out.

"Well, I only embarrassed you at the concert because _you_—"

"I know what I did. I know what you did. We do not have to go over everything," I said reasonably, putting my hands up, palms facing Edward.

"You really didn't sleep with Jenks?" he asked.

I shook my head in the negative. "No, Jay Jenks didn't touch me."

Edward kissed me then.

I'm not even lying; he did! He pulled me toward him and touched his lips to mine and held them there. It wasn't an accident, and it wasn't a mistake. But it _was _shocking so I didn't respond for half a second before kissing him back with everything I felt for him. I didn't wonder why he kissed me, especially after we'd just had an argument. I was too wrapped up in the feeling of his lips moving on mine, and then the tip of his tongue touching my lower lip.

I don't know how long we kissed, but I knew that I felt my insides warming up delightfully and melting into each other when he wrapped his arms around my waist and pressed me closer.

When it ended, I felt out of breath, even though I'd been taking in oxygen through my nose.

"Isabella Swan," he said, just as out of breath as I was. "You are a good kisser."

I blushed and stammered, "What are—"

"Well, I forgive you for stealing my shoes if you forgive me for… everything else," he joked.

"Okay," I whispered.

"Well, I told my Mom I'd only be gone for fifteen minutes."

I nodded, and a smile that tightened my cheeks until it hurt graced my face after he left my room, looking back at me before closing the door behind him.

I guess I didn't have to tell him how I felt after all.

& & & & &

The pranking stopped for a long time. But it wasn't because Edward kissed me. I had time to tell Alice and Rosalie, who were very proud of me, about the kiss, but no time to tell anyone else of my happiness before the next event was occurring.

Two and a half days after Edward kissed me (Yes, I'm aware that's how I was keeping track of the days), I was still pretty elated. I mean, it wasn't anything close to a commitment or anything, but it still made me tremble inside when I reflected.

I was also, two days after Edward kissed me, craving Italian food. I figured I'd just pick up a to-go order so I wouldn't have to actually talk to anyone. Jane liked Italian, too, so I went to ask her if she wanted anything.

"Jane?" I said after rapping on the door. "Jane?"

I twisted the knob and quietly opened the door, not wanting to disturb her If she was sleeping or reading or something.

However, what I saw inside didn't have anything to do with sleeping or reading.

Jane and Edward were kissing.

It wasn't sloppy or gross or anything, but it was still happening right in front of me and I felt sick to my stomach which just moments before was all aflutter with _happy_.

At the sound of my intrusion, the couple broke away to look at me.

And simultaneously, I realized my own disgusting stupidity.

Jane and Edward had probably been together all along. I mean, they'd been plotting against me during the prank war. How did I not recognize that?

And my truce with Jane… The advice I'd asked! And she'd promised that the Jay Jenks incident wouldn't be repeated! She must have been so disappointed that I'd refused to tell her boyfriend—fuck buddy, whatever— how I felt about him to save myself humiliation.

And Edward. He _kissed _me! It was probably Jane's idea. She knew I'd be so happy about it, only to be crushed later. Oh, I could just… just… cry.

"Bella," Jane said, looking shocked, panicked, remorseful.

"You promised," I whispered, looking anywhere but at the two of them. I tried to regain my balance, rein in my emotions.

"I just… I was going to get… Italian. Did you, um, want anything?"

My tiny voice cracked on almost every word.

"Bella, it isn't what you think, I swear!" Jane cried passionately. "No, no, please, Bella, believe me!"

"How can you—" I broke off. "Your _sister_."

"Bella, I wasn't—it wasn't. Oh…"

I turned and left the room, trying to rid my mind of their embrace, seeing Edward's lips on my own sister when so short a time ago they were on mine. It was heartbreaking.

I locked myself in my room, breathing harshly. It reminded me so much of all those months ago, after the first Jane/Edward towel encounter. Due to Jane, I had exposed so much of myself to Edward. Again.

This was worse, though. Because now my heart was involved.

& & & & &

"Bella?" It was my mom. "Can you let me in?"

I unlocked the door and stepped away.

"Hi," I greeted blandly.

"I don't know what happened, but both my daughters are very upset and Edward just left the house looking distraught."

"Don't care," I muttered darkly.

"I'm not going to ask what happened…" she trailed, expecting me to tell her.

"Good, that's great," I said.

Mom rolled her eyes.

"I can't help you if you don't ell me what's wrong," she rationalized.

"Yeah, we could move states. And leave Jane in Washington."

Needless to say, Mom disagreed.


	8. The Beginning of Edward's POV

**So, not my best work. But, hey, Edward's point of view! And if you still have questions, PM me. **

E POV

I'm an awful person. A terribly confused, selfish, unworthy person who doesn't even deserve the attention I'm getting for doing this awful, selfish thing. And I deserve to be tearing myself up about it; I'm _glad _to do it. I feel guilty and hateful, but most prominently, I feel longing. I feel stupid, resentful. I don't even know why I went to Jane. I knew what was happening to me, and I just wanted an excuse to stop it, or at least try to convince myself it wasn't happening. But of course that didn't work and it came back to bite me.

I was kicked out of the Swan residence, Jane screaming and cursing at me like I'd never heard before. Jane and Bella have very clean mouths, unlike Alec, and only ever swear when they're past-boiling-point angry, like when Bella woke up in the hospital and yelled those words at me, and just a few days ago when I kissed Jane and she was so angry that she hit me repeatedly until I finally went home. I'd only done it—kissed Jane—to see if what I felt when I had Bella was anything out of the ordinary, only to discover it was even more than extraordinary. And now I know I have completely screwed myself.

I'm in Alec's room, trying to keep myself from bolting to Bella's room. I overplay in my mind many times the time where I stepped out of Alec's room only to be stopped by a frightened whisper preceding an event I'll never forget. But I'm just barely keeping myself together being in the same house on the same floor with her because I can feel her somewhere close. And what I've done to her is unforgiveable.

Suddenly, as if God is taunting me on top of my self-hate, Bella yanks Alec's door open, and she freezes. I know she's seen me, and I brace myself for the yelling—and I brace myself even more for the crying—but she does neither. She gasps in shock, and her large dark eyes widen.

She's too beautiful. But she's off-limits. My best friend's sophomore sister. I'm leaving for college soon, and I've hurt her enough these past months to start something, even though I overlooked that when I decided to ruin myself and kiss her softness.

I wait for her to say something—_anything_—to me, to yell at me for treating her so horribly, for hurting her again. I want her to talk to me.

But she doesn't. After her gasp, her eyes glare, and she takes a deep breath.

_Here it comes, _I think.

But she calls loudly, downstairs, "Renée! Alec stole my Pokémon cards!" and runs downstairs.

I start to laugh; it is so unpredictable and childish, like a six-year-old tattling on her older brother. Except Bella is sixteen.

The laughing, unfortunately, turns to crying very soon, and Alec has no idea what has happened.

"Dude, Edward. It wasn't that fuckin' funny."

"I'm not laughing," I whisper, burying my filthy face in my hands.

"What the fuck is your deal?" he demands.

"Sorry," I say. "I just—just—"

"Are you fuckin' high or something?"

"No! I'm just… I gotta get out of here. I'll see you at school."

"Yeah, sure," he dismisses, waving his hand.

As I am walking out the door, I see Bella sitting on the porch, stewing. She's talking to herself.

"What's _he _gonna do with Pokémon cards anyway? It's not like he even _understands _the show, much less what to do with the cards…"

Wiping the wetness from my red cheeks, I chuckle softly.

Her head whips around to see me, and she rests her head on her folded knees.

"Hi," she says.

"Hi."

"Are you leaving?"

I nod, even though she can't see it as her face is still facing her legs.

"You're different," she remarks. "You're not acting like you usually do."

"And how do I usually act?"

"Arrogantly."

It stings.

"Sometimes you're nice," she continues. "Like with Whitney and Tyler. Remember them?" Of course I do. "And you love your parents and your siblings. And you paint sheds for the elderly and leave Raisinets in my locker."

I can't even talk at this point. I want her to keep speaking. I want her to never stop.

"But sometimes you're mean," she whispers. "Like when you made people think I was _with _you—"

"What?"

"That day in the hallway with Rose. You made everyone listening think I'd… had sex with you."

I suck in my breath quickly.

"And when you kissed me and made me feel… when you were with my sister all that time and I thought you maybe…"

I swallow the rocks in my throat.

Her voice rose, her head lifting when she cried, "And when you said you wouldn't look but you did anyway!"

She stands up and faces me, inching very close, very intimately aligned with me. Even with space between us I feel everything inside of her drift inside of me. I can barely breathe.

I want to touch her so badly. I want to tell her how I feel. I want her to _know_ how I feel, how I want to touch her, how I wish she was mine.

But she turns and slams the door behind her when she goes back into her house before I have the chance to take a breath. I sit quietly where she was just sitting on the porch steps, and I let my mistakes swallow me.

& & & & &

Jane won't talk to me. She's not politely avoiding me; she's blatantly ignoring me. It's exhausting. And even though Mrs. Swan is nice to me when I come over to hang out with Alec, I can tell she's pretty mad at me. I don't blame her, even if it's weird to have someone else's mother upset with me.

My own sister is acting differently towards me. She's not talking to me, but she's not _not _talking to me, if that makes sense. It's as if she's not mad, but she'd still rather not look at me. But she's not the usual, up 'n' at 'em Alice, and it makes me feel even worse. I've hurt Bella, Jane, _and _Alice. I'm a monster, truly. Who else could possibly hurt someone so fragile-looking like Bella but a monster? Of course, I know Bella isn't fragile. She's a hilarious, witty, smart girl and she can do anything she wants.

I can't seem to stay away from her, even if it's a horrible idea to be close.

Alec's room is past Jane's room and before Bella's. I had an idea a few days ago that maybe if I knocked on Bella's door, I could pretend I thought it was Alec's door and I'd see her and we'd exchange more words… I've been coming up with all sorts of dumb ways to talk to her. However, none of them would ever work and I'd just get kicked out of the house again. At least if Alec is still talking to me, I can still be under the same roof as Bella.

I leave the Swan house and go home about an hour and a half later, and Alice is sitting at the kitchen table talking on the phone.

"I know!" she exclaims. "If they're not going teach me about drugs _on time_, then I don't wanna learn it."

_Huh?_

"Freedom from Chemical Dependency," Alice says scathingly. "Come on now. And that guy was such a zonkey, too."

I tap Alice on the shoulder.

"One second, Bella," she says.

_Shit, _I think, but still continue to ask Alice if it's okay with her for me to do my homework in the kitchen.

"I don't control you, Edward," she says.

Really, I only want to stay because I want to hear their conversation. I found myself wishing ever since Bella's first prank that I'd always hung out with her and Alice more. They're probably the most entertaining duo I've ever met. Also, because Bella is right on the other line, and I can hear the soft buzzing of her voice through Alice's phone.

So I stay and pretend to pull out my work.

"I know, poor Rose," Alice says after a little while. "She told me today that it was supposed to be one of those twenty-four-hour things that's leaked into seventy-two. With change. She's sick as a dog."

I hear Bella's voice murmuring on the other end.

Alice bursts out laughing, almost guffawing.

"I'm sure that made her loads better, Bella. She probably threw up again from laughing so hard."

Bella's voice rises through the phone.

"Hold on, Bella," Alice says suddenly. "I'm putting you on speaker. Tell Edward the story."

I freeze and Bella freezes and it's extremely awkward even though we're not even in the same room, not even talking to each other. Alice clicks the speaker button, but the other line is very fuzzy, meaning Bella isn't talking.

"Please, Bella, it's so funny. And he's been so moody lately…"

"Fine," Bella says exasperatedly. My stomach reacts almost violently—in a good way, of course— to the sound of her voice. "Okay, so do you remember I won that bird at the fair when I was, like, six?"

"Yeah," I say. I remember it when she brings it up, but I've forgotten about it because I haven't seen it around lately.

"Well, I really loved that thing at first, but then… I really started to hate it. Everyone started to hate it, actually. I mean, it was a parrot, and it wouldn't ever shut up. And I barely ever fed it—not intentionally though. I would just forget. And eventually, I put that sucker's cage outside." She pauses to take a breath. "She wasn't supposed to live that long 'cause she was sick or something, yet every day when I got home from school, there she was in the backyard."

Alice snickers.

"So one day, like, _seven years_ after I won that stupid bird, I came home from school and my mom says, 'Bella, we have a problem.' That dumb bird had gotten out of its cage and flew right into the neighbors' dog's mouth."

Alice's laughter escalates loudly, although I don't see how she can find Bella's bird being eaten by the neighbor's dog funny.

"I'm sorry about your bird, Bella," I say to correct my sister's rudeness. "Dogs will eat anything, I hear."

Bella says, "Oh, no, the dog didn't eat the bird. The bird just flew into its mouth."

_Oh. _

"Yeah! STILL ALIVE!" The irritation in her voice and the amazement of the situation makes me laugh briefly, but I can tell that the story isn't over.

"Anyway, I tried to get my mom to just let the darn bird die in peace in our backyard, but we rushed it to the vet." I can just hear Bella's eyes rolling. "Her leg was broken. And the vet told us that the bird was _suffering _so he'd have to amputate the leg. Of the bird!"

I was laughing continuously now.

"But my mom wouldn't have that. She said she wouldn't have a bird with only one leg, it was annoying enough already. So the bird had _surgery, _Edward. Surgery! There was a tiny little oxygen mask and a tiny little fluids bag and everything. _For the bird_. So about a month later, I came out to feed that bird, and I saw with my own eyes that she was gone. It was the happiest day of my life."

The cacophony of Alice's and my laughter is outrageously loud, but Bella isn't laughing at all.

"It's Rosalie's favorite story," Bella says after our laughter dims.

"One of mine, too," Alice joins.

"Oh, Alice!" Bella says, in that tone people use when they've suddenly remembered something.

"Hmmm?"

"I forgot to tell you what happened with Steve."

"What?" Alice asks because _she _apparently knows this _Steve _character.

"Who's Steve?" I demand indignantly.

Alice glances at me. "Calm down, Edward. Bella hates Steve, so there's no need to get jealous."

Oh.

"Go on, Bella," Alice prods.

"Well, you know how he just got out of jail?"

_What!_

"Yeah."

"Well, he's been staying with my grandparents, and—"

"Sorry, Bella," I interrupt. "But who is Steve?"

"Um, he's my step-grandfather's delinquent son. He's forty and been to jail at least three times now. You know my mom's parents live in Hicktown, Georgia."

"Yeah, sorry, go on."

"Well, my mom told me what happened the other day. So, Grammy and Frank—my step-grandfather— went gambling, and left Steve at the house. And Steve was shooting _squirrels_ in the backyard when the probation officer came by. He had to go back to jail 'cause he's not supposed to have a gun. Mom thinks Grammy was secretly glad. And Dad guessed that she probably left the BB gun by the door to tempt him."

Alice laughs. "I just love your life, Bella. I wish Steve could have come to Thanksgiving."

"Nah, he was on house arrest."

_I, _for one, do not with for this criminal Steve to be anywhere_ near _the two of them, but I don't say it.

"Oh, and Grammy says he'd been peeing on the sofa," Bella adds as afterthought.

"Why was he doing that?"

"Why not?"

_Why didn't I hang out with Bella and Alice before again? _

"Well, I have to go," Bella says. "See ya later, Alice." After a pause, she adds, "Bye, Edward."

"Bye, Bella," Alice and I say in unison.

I feel a sense of hope that maybe things could work out. If Bella can talk to me over the phone and not yell at me, could she do it in person?

& & & & &

Alec has found out about me kissing both his sisters.

"Dude, what the fuck were you thinking?" he asks me. He doesn't seem mad, but he's clearly not happy about it either.

"I mean, Jane I can understand, I guess," Alec admits. "Even though I'd really rather you fuckin' not 'cause she's my sister. But why in the fuck would you kiss _Bella_ like that when you know she, you know, likes you so much? And then be such a fuckin' idiot and let her see you and my twin! Where's your fuckin' head, man?"

"Bella likes me?" I ask.

"That's not the fuckin' point! But, yeah, it's obvious, man. You think she acts like that around everyone? Not fucking likely."

When I kissed Bella, I'd never asked if she wanted it. Didn't know if she felt the same way I did. But when she told me that she hadn't been with that greasy kid Jenks, the relief I felt was so overriding of my sense that I didn't think about it. Knowing that Bella actually has some affection for me alleviates some guilt, but not much. I'm not really thinking of anything else Alec says besides that bit of information.

"And Bella won't fuckin' talk to Jane, even though she's trying not to make it obvious to my parents. Jane won't talk to me because you happen to be my fuckin' best friend. This whole family is so fuckin' dramatic, and right now, it's all _your _fuckin' fault. Man, if I'd known about this sooner, I'd have given you a fuckin' piece of my mind!"

_Oh no_, I think. _Why did I not think of the consequences for Jane and Bella? I mean, it's not like they were close in the first place, but… _

"And the fuckin' sad thing is that Bella and Jane had started to get along. They asked me if I wanted to go to the fuckin' movies with them last weekend." Alec keeps going on and on, and the more he does, the more I feel like absolute shit.

_What _else _have I done? _I think to myself once I get back in my bedroom.

My last thought before I go to bed is that I _will _fix this.

How can I not?

& & & & &

Saturday night, Alec lets me stay over, though he's still not so pleased with me. The only reason I ask is because my first mission is to apologize to Bella. The only reason I choose Sunday is because I know it's the day Bella sleeps in. I can actually catch her on Sunday morning.

This information I stole from Alice. I threatened to take her journal if she didn't tell me if Bella would be home on Sunday morning.

So at seven AM, I wake up and shuffle to Bella's room.

_She isn't there_.

"Alice!" I whisper-shout into my cell phone when she picks up, trying not to wake anyone. "You said she'd be here!"

"Did not," Alice sings. "I said Sunday is her sleep-in day, but, unlike you, sleeping in for Bella is not staying in bed until noon. You probably just missed her."

I say an expletive under my breath before asking where Bella is.

"I can't tell you that, Edward," Alice says, sounding genuinely apologetic. "You're my brother and I love you, but right now, Bella needs her alone time."

_Where could she possibly go at seven o'clock on a Sunday morning? _

"She's not at church, is she?" I ask skeptically.

"Edward, honestly." Alice's tone is exasperated.

"Please. I won't go after her, but could you just tell me where she is?"

"No, because it's revealing something very important to Rose and me, too. Not just Bella."

I groan before hanging up on Alice.

I suppose I can just wait until she gets back.

& & & & &

I tell Alec I'm going home, but my first stop "on the way out" is Jane's room.

"Please, Jane, I need to talk to you," I plead when she won't open the door.

"No, Edward."

"I want to apologize!"

"You already did that."

"Jane, I'm sorry. I didn't know you and Bella were starting to get along. I didn't think you'd be so against the idea, truthfully. You were recently totally for making Bella miserable."

She opens the door but glares at me.

"Yeah, that was _before _she came to me and called a truce. Then asked my advice on how to get over _you_. And I told her to _tell _you how she felt, Edward! I was trying to honestly help her." Jane throws her head back in aggravation, and it reminds me of the day in the cafeteria when I couldn't resist sitting with Bella, even if it meant sitting with my sister.

"Remember that awful thing I did to her? When I kissed her boyfriend? Edward, I promised her when I made her tell me who she was talking about that it wouldn't ever happen again. And what else happens but her seeing _you _break my promise to her! God, I can only _imagine _what she thinks of me now."

"Jane, I'm _sorry_. I can't even tell you how much I'm sorry."

"Why did you do it? I mean, you must know she likes you. How can you be that cruel?"

"I kissed Bella," I confess. "Before I kissed you."

There is no other word to describe Jane's expression but murderous.

"Yeah, I did. Because I want her. I'm falling in love with her, for Pete's sake. So, yeah, I kissed her. I didn't _know _I was falling in love with her before I did, but I sure knew afterward. Jesus, you think I wanted to fall in love with Bella Swan? The girl two years younger than me who happens to be my best friend's little sister. I would take any excuse to have it otherwise. But if I was going down, I wanted to be certain. So, I kissed you, to see if it would feel the same. Because kissing Bella was the climax of my pathetic life. And by some tragic coincidence, she walked in on me trying to prove to myself that I love her! So I'm _sorry_, Jane. I really, really am."

My speech renders her speech_less_.

When she finds her voice, however, she remarks, "You could have at least locked the door."

I laugh mirthlessly.

"Man, did you screw up," she tells me. "This is even worse than I thought!"

_Tell me about it. _

* * *

**Give a review and you shall receive a teaser!**

**Thanks for reading, january giselle**


	9. PROMISED TEASER!

**Okay, so I'm a dumbass who forgot that she promised a teaser to her reviewers. So here you go, reviewers and non-reviewers. The whole chapter will be posted soon, I hope.**

**With love and apologies, jg **

**P.S.—We' re back to Bella's POV.**

* * *

"Alright, deal," I lied.

_What kind of an idiot is he?_ I mean, there were rules to a deal. They're nothing like truces.

I held out my hand, seemingly ready for him to shake it. I grinned broadly, mischievously, as he confidently moved his hand out to clasp my own. I also grinned at the first wide-eyed, then annoyed look on his face when I shot my hand out of his reach and said in my best feigning-indifference voice, "Psyche!" before tucking my hands in my front pockets suavely.

He collected his bearings shortly and seemed angry with me!

"Are you _seven_?" he demanded quite rudely.

"Uh, no, I happen to be almost seventeen!"

"Well, maybe I wouldn't have to ask if you'd occasionally act like it!"

"Listen, _Edwart_, I am a very mature and capable young lady with much better manners than you, _and _I know that you never, ever strike a deal without making specific conditions first!" I heaved a heavy huff. "_Holy Mackerel_," I agonized quietly under my breath.

"Fine, you can make the conditions if you'd just agree to get along with me. At least while I'm here," Edward said, looking a strange mixture of exhausted and resigned to the impending "conditions" he probably thought would be extremely trying hurdles he'd have to jump.

"Okay. Condition one, we never, ever speak again of the bathroom incident last year or the traumatic events following it leading up to our… er… the short break we took from each other."

"You mean the one that's lasted till now?" he interrupted.

"Yes, that one."

"Condition two?"

"Condition two is that you don't act innocent of everything even if we're forgetting everything that happened."

"Oh, you never said anything about forgetting everything that happened. You just said never speaking of it."

"It's the same thing."

"It most certainly is not," he emphasized, leaning in closer.

_For the love of Jesus,_ I thought, _Edward Cullen has taken a detour through Crazy Town. _

"Fine, I amend condition one," I said.

"To what?"

"Do you have short term memory loss? Instead of saying that we don't talk about it, condition one is that we forget about it. You know, I'm glad you pointed this out, Edward. This is definitely a much better condition."

The tips of his perfect Edward ears were tinged a surprising garnet hue, and the same color was inching up the thick, strained muscles in his neck.

"What's your damage, Heather?" I asked, tilting my head to the side a little to see if he was red anywhere else obvious.

_Did he have a rash…?_

"Condition two," he bit out.

_Well!_

"We already went over condition two."

"Condition two… doesn't make _sense,_" Edward said in a voice that was trying to be equal parts patient and patronizing.

"It makes perfect sense. I'm saying that you can't act as if there is absolutely nothing wrong with us because that's difficult to hide in any case. If you want people to believe we've patched things up, fine. But please do not make me out to be someone I'm not. Someone that's been pining away from you all this time and now only talks to you because you've asked forgiveness. Does that make _sense_, Edward?"

_Whoa, long speech._ I smiled a little bit to myself.

He clenched his jaw, the color in his neck rising and darkening.

"Yep," he said in a clipped tone. He was really holding back, I realized.

"My goodness, Edward Cullen, are you okay?" I asked in real, genuine concern! I took a step forward to put the back of my hand to his forehead—what if he had a fever or something?—and he took a step back and started to yell at me!

"Yeah, well, I have some conditions too!" he exclaimed, loud enough for those fortunate ones in Siberia to hear. He went on to yell, "If I can't act innocent, then _you _can't act indifferent! Because you are obviously not!"

* * *

**A/n:**

**Again, I'm very, very sorry. Now, I hope you're teased enough not to hate me, and I pinky promise *holds pinky high in the air* that the next chapter will be hear way soon. **

**love, jg**


	10. The Beginning of Something Weird

**Hey! Sorry for the wait. It will not happen again, honest. So... on with the show... right after I say just some little things. So I skipped over a whole lot of time here. This chapter occurs much later and covers much life since Edward's point of view. Bella is now a junior; Edward, Jane, and Alec are in college. Bella and Edward are both still dumbasses... Anyway, if you have any questions please PM me or something. I don't want anyone to be confused. **

**Disclaimer: The characters- aside from a select few- ain't mine. **

* * *

BPOV

The rest of my sophomore year was alright, nothing as dramatic as finding my "soul mate" and watching him mack on my sister. It was as if my life was a written tragedy. I don't mean it like it sounds. I mean the chronological order of events reminded me very much of an Aristotelian tragic hero's life in the way that I—the protagonist—made an error in judgment—falling in love with Edward Cullen— then in the midst of my life the "tragic" part occurred—when Edward Cullen kissed my sister—and, though I didn't die, I gained self-knowledge. I learned how freaking stupid I was, that my love story was most definitely not like Disney portrays it, _and _that I'd probably never get over Edward Cullen and it was in my best interest to just… deal with that now. Continuing on with my tragic hero role, the peace was restored—after I accepted my fate. I say that the peace was restored because I forgave Jane after maybe two and a half weeks. She swore to me that she and Edward were never to together, and I believed her. I forgave Edward, too, but he didn't know that. I didn't know why he did what he did, and until my mind was clear of him, _I _wasn't going to tell him he was forgiven.

The Alice and Jasper pair, fortunately, was still the immortalized high school sweetheart couple. Of course, Rosalie was still waiting "patiently" for Emmett. Really, I had expected her to be over the college guy thing after a few months. The reality was that Emmett was the Mr. Darcy to Rose's Elizabeth Bennett, unattainable, yet not impossible. And we all know how that story ends, so I don't even mind telling you now that both Alice and Jasper and Rose and Emmett stayed together.

Two boys took an interest in me later in the second semester. Those boys were the foreign exchange student Farhan and a very polite freshman named Louis who—no joke— called me Miss Bella.

For the rest of the year, Edward would always try to, like, _talk _to me, and it was so annoying to have to run and hide behind the new senior friend I made (his name was Aro, and he was seriously six-foot-seven) every time he got that determined look in his eyes and started to stride toward me.

Speaking of Aro, he became one of my true best friends. Alice and Rose were obsessed with him, Jasper was fascinated by him and, to my very extreme luck, Edward was terrified of him. That's why I didn't have to converse with Edward all that much for the next few months until school ended.

Summer was slightly better, but also nothing new. Alice mostly hung out at my house, or we went to Rose's.

Jane and I became close, discovering that we had a whole lot in common and that we had an awesome sisterly dynamic bond. Jane also developed a mega-crush on Aro. It was really funny to watch her around him. She was so tiny compared to him, her cheeks always flushed. Aro was so sweet to her, too, and referred to her incessantly as his "doll."

The day Jane and Alec left for NYU and Edward for the dorms at UW, Jane apologized _again _for the Edward thing (which I _again _brushed off as "nothing"), Alec told me he'd "fuckin' miss me" and Edward hugged me so tightly I feared I might faint from not only the lack of oxygen in my lungs, but also from the tightly-wound coil in my stomach that was getting ready to explode in a million cool metal bits and pierce my heart again. But it was the only goodbye I'd get, so I tried to ignore the desire I had for him and tried to act collected.

The beginning of my junior year was pretty awesomesauce. The cool factor that Alice, Rose, and I got from hanging out with "totally gorgeous blonde senior Jasper Hale" rose high, and that wasn't so great (as people tended to gossip about cool people), but we were now upperclassmen. That always merited points.

Alice, Rose, and I continued our early morning trips to Maggie's and were still learning more about each other. We were changing, and that was obvious, but we'd never change enough to not need each other anymore. It was a comforting thought that my long term best friend and my favorite cousin would always be within reach.

Things became a bit rocky, however, when Riley, Jane, Alec, Emmett, and Edward came home for Labor Day Weekend.

That Sunday, Mrs. Cullen, Alice, and I had made plans to go to lunch at a good restaurant in town we called Hudson's (not because that's what it was named, but because of our favorite waitress there, and _her_ name was Hudson). What they didn't tell me before they picked me up was that Edward had decided to tag along. Those sneaky junior-high girls.

"Hi, Edward," I'd greeted him cordially as I slid in next to him in the back seat of Mrs. Cullen's car.

"Bella," he said, and nodded.

"How's the university?"

I was the queen of Small Talk, after all.

He smirked. "Better than high school," he remarked.

_Oh, really? _

"Yeah, that's what my boyfriend says. He's in a fraternity and all that jazz."

I was being so totally and obviously sarcastic, but apparently Edward didn't get it.

"You're dating a frat guy? Who is he?" Edward demanded, and his mother and sister laughed out loud at his ignorance.

"I was joking, jeez. I'm way too cool to go out with some guy wearing pastel Brooks Brothers with a crew cut hairstyle."

Edward scowled at me, crossed his arms in front of his chest like a petulant five-year-old, and wouldn't talk to me until we were sitting down in the restaurant.

Our waiter, who called himself George, took our drink orders and smiled widely at Mrs. Cullen, Alice, and I, blatantly ignoring Edward, who didn't take that too kindly.

When George left to go get our sodas, Mrs. Cullen turned her attention across from her at me and Alice intently and said, "I think our waiter has a crush on me."

"Mom!" Edward exclaimed.

Alice ignored that, rolled her eyes at her mother, and, tucking her linen napkin into her lap, said without even looking up, "Um, no, he has a crush on _me._"

Edward looked six shades of shocked.

He looked at me before mouthing, "Do they always do this?"

I nodded solemnly, and then turned and smiled very brightly at George, who was now placing our drinks down in front of us. He winked at me as he walked away, and I then proclaimed, "No, he most definitely has a crush on _me._"

Mrs. Cullen and Alice, admitting defeat, nodded in agreement.

Lunch was good, each of us ordering Hudson's famous hamburgers how we liked them and enjoying them immensely.

I jotted down Edward's cell phone number on the check that George would take back with him, hoping fervently that he crushed on _one of us _enough to call. I figured it'd be funny to everyone, except George and Edward.

Edward was irritated, to say the least, when he listened to his voicemail the following day and had a message from George. He went back to school Tuesday pretty annoyed with me, but I was thankful that we'd gotten into the immature pranking relationship again. It was familiar and reminded me of the good ol' days.

When I got home after school later on Tuesday, the monogrammed towel Edward had given me almost a year ago was hanging pretentiously on the shower rod. I secretly smiled and squealed on the inside, feeling clichéd because the word to the emotion that welled up inside of me then would best be described as "completed."

& & & & &

Poor Rose was ill, confined to her bed, the whole Labor Day Weekend, and Emmett did not even see her. I felt so guilty for having a moment with Edward and her not having one with Emmett that I offered to do her homework for the next two days of school she missed and was sufficiently swamped and stressed with work that I didn't even have time to think about Edward.

However, when I woke up those mornings after, my torpid mind recognized the snippets of the fiction images of him I knew must have been in my dreams.

& & & & &

I plopped my tray down at the table that sat Alice, Rose, Jasper, and Jasper's other blonde senior friends whose names I could _never _remember. They were having a conversation about someone's paycheck, from what I heard.

Blonde number one was saying, "He makes twelve-_thousand _dollars a week. That's his penchant."

Blonde number two groaned.

Blonde number one said, "It is…"

"Sick," Blonde number two finished.

Blonde number one nodded in agreement. "It is sick."

I didn't care to hear the rest of the conversation so I focused on Rosalie instead, as Alice and Jasper were not even paying attention to anyone in the vicinity.

"What's up?" I asked Rosalie.

She shrugged. "Mike Newton tried to start another fire just before history class."

I shook my head in disappointment at him. "He's going to go to jail for arson one day, mark my words."

"He's definitely a pyro." Rose paused before adding, "They have institutions for people like that."

I didn't say anything after that, fearing that she'd tell one of those institutions about Mike's problem, and that was about it for cafeteria conversation.

The rest of the day went on as expected. It was at home, when Alice was without Jasper because he and Rose apparently needed "Hale family bonding time" with Uncle Garrett, where things strayed from everyday norm.

"Bella, if you love Edward, why don't you tell him?" Alice asked out of the blue on this day. We were working on our respective required science projects.

"Uh, 'cause it's a dumb idea," I answered her.

"But it's really not," she protested. "He's at college now, you won't have to see him every day, and… what's to lose?"

"That, Alice dear, is _exactly _what Jane said to me, exactly what she proposed I do. And look at how that plan worked out."

"That's different, Bella, really!"

"You didn't tell Jasper," I pointed out.

"But Jasper is so much different than Edward. _Jasper _needed to figure out how he felt about me on his own. Edward already knows how he feels about you, Bella, I guarantee it. If he doesn't know how _you _feel, how do you ever expect to know how he does?"

"I already know, Alice. Did you forget he kissed me then my sister for no apparent reason at all? He obviously doesn't feel anything for me."

"But he's a stupid, stinky boy, Bella!" Alice nearly whined. "He doesn't know about girls. He just doesn't know. You have to help him."

I deliberated for a minute, then Alice and I compromised on the belief that I'd think about it.

& & & & & &

There was a Halloween dance in October, at least three weeks before the actual day of Halloween. I did not want to go, but my mom sure wanted me to. She bought me a costume and everything, even though I said I wouldn't wear it. It was ridiculous—a dead cheerleader costume. There was "blood" on the crisp white of the… shirt? And the purple and gold pleated skirt was obscenely short.

I got roped into wearing it. Alice and Jasper went as completely different things, and for that I was thankful because it always grated on my nerves when couples matched. I think Jasper was supposed to be some kind of ninja, but really, he just looked like a dumbass in some weird, twisting black toga. Alice was all glitter and sparkles and wigged-out… as a dead Hannah Montana. She still managed to look good. Rosalie went as Rosalie, in a wrap-around red dress and seventy-seven-inch bright red heels. When people asked her what she dressed as, she glared at them and said, "A nineteenth century hooker."

At least I wasn't the only one looking ridiculous at the dance. The Stanley triplets were dressed as those girls in the remake of the movie _Prom Night_. How original, right?

The food was good, surprisingly. There were all kinds of awesome junk foods to choose from.

The only problem I really had of the night was that too many cute boys asked me to dance and it was all very uncomfortable. I mean, it wasn't like they were playing Oldies but Goodies. It was all "in da club" this and "in my pants" that.

Toward the end of the night, Rose and I were conversing intelligently as we waited for Alice to tell Jasper and his blonde friends to quit harassing the DJ. We were extremely occupied with each other.

After some silence, for instance, Rosalie stood and inspected herself before turning to me and asking, "Does this make my torso look long?"

I hummed in the positive.

"Guess what happened to me today," she mumbled a little while later, her voice muffled because she'd laid her head on her arms on of the plastic tables we'd chosen to sit at placed in two strategic lines at the back of the room.

"What?" I asked in a dull tone.

"I walked into the ladies' room after fifth period, and I found a boy in there."

"What'd you do?" I asked, not really all that interested. But Alice and Jasper were taking for-freaking-ever…

"I told him I'd tell on him unless he gave me ten dollars."

"Did he give you ten dollars?"

She slipped out her wallet and showed me a wrinkled and stained-with-God-knows-what ten dollar bill.

I nodded in approval before following Rose and putting my head on my arms on the table and waiting.

We went on like this for the next twenty minutes until Jasper was finally ready to call it a night since we'd promised Alice earlier that we wouldn't leave until she and Jasper did.

Rose and I complained all the way to my house of what an awful night it was, even though we only thought that because we didn't have dates, and _that _was only because the people we wanted to take us were both at college, probably living it up with some other, older, prettier girls than us.

& & & & &

Thanksgiving arrived a whole lot sooner than I'd hoped it would.

However, it did mean that Riley, Jane, and Alec would be back and I would no longer feel like an only child.

I was quite shocked of Jane's appearance when she walked through my room's threshold to greet me.

"Jane!" Her name was elicited with a sharp gasp. Of horror. "You need to go to the hospital," I said.

She looked like an Olsen twin. Her arms and legs were scraggly-skinny, and because she was wearing a white tank top, I had the pleasure of seeing the distinct, protruding of her ribs through her skin. Jane had always been slender, but now she was just _emaciated. _

"I know," she sighed, plopping down beside me on the bed. "But it isn't like I have time to eat! Plus, I'm in the middle of this weird virus."

"Are you throwing up?" I asked, immediately concerned. I'd always been envious of Jane's strong immune system while I was near anemic. If hers was already failing, I was sure to die young.

"Yeah, it's disgusting. And it's also not going away."

"Well, how long have you had it?"

She shook her head. "I don't even know."

I frowned a little, angling my body to face her completely. "Maybe you should take it easy this week. I know you're back home and probably want to hang, but…"

"Trust me, Bella. I am in no mood to even talk to anyone."

I nodded. "Okay. You should still try to eat, Jane. You look scary."

She threw a pillow from my bed at my head as she got up from my bed.

"Oh, and I missed you," I admitted.

"Missed you, too," she said with a sigh as she walked back to her room.

& & & & &

Thursday was hectic, as usual. I think there were more people this year than last year.

I was playing nanny in the nursery as usual, checking periodically to see if Jane was eating downstairs, when there was a knock at the door (which I had closed earlier when the smaller ones had fallen asleep).

In walked Edward after I called a very soft, "Come in."

"Knew you'd be up here," he said, glancing around the room exactly as he had done last Thanksgiving, taking in the familiar furniture and the faces of the children.

Whitney—the young girl from last year with an injured finger—was undressing a Barbie doll when she caught sight of Edward after looking up at hearing another voice in the room. Leaping up from her seat on the floor, she near tackled Edward with the force of the hug she gave him, wrapping her little arms as far as they could around his hips.

Edward laughed and lifted her up.

"What's up, Whit?"

"Nothin'," she answered, grinning at him.

Edward looked to me and smiled a crooked smile that revealed just a sliver of his perfect white teeth. It took more than I'd like to admit to keep from sighing like an eleven-year-old with a crush on Aaron Carter.

My answering smile was just a quick quirk of the corners of my lip.

"Hi, Bella," he said.

"Hi, Bella!" Whitney repeated, waving excitedly at me. She held her arms out to me, and Edward put the small girl in my arms.

"Hi, Whitney."

"Bella!" she exclaimed. "Guess what I brought you and Edward!"

Edward and I exchanged a glance before asking her what.

"A letter! We're practicing how to write ABC's in my class and Mrs. Newton said we had to pick our favorite person in the _world _and send them a letter," Whitney explained to us in her toddler drawl. "And Mrs. Newton said I could pick both you since I couldn't choose."

I know _I _was holding back tears at this. I was one of little Whitney's favorite person? She was so cute it broke my heart.

"Oh, Whitney, that's so sweet of you. Do you have it?" Edward asked because I was unable to speak.

"Mmmmmhm," she said. She crawled out of my arms to go get it from her Dora the Explorer backpack she'd brought. "Here!" She held up a bent and wrinkled piece of construction paper. Edward took it from her and read it, then handed it to me.

_Dear Bela and Edwad, _Whitney had written, _I luv u a lott. I cant wate too c u agin. Luv, Whitney. _

She'd drawn a picture of who I assumed were Edward and me—lovely stick figures with obscenely long hair— with her right in between us.

"Whitney, this is the best letter I've ever gotten," I told her truthfully.

"You can keep it," she said, smiling.

"I will," I promised, looking at it again.

"But you have to share with Edward," she said.

I nodded. "Of course."

After playing a few games such as "Where's Whitney?" she finally went to sleep with her head tucked in the crook of Edward's neck. I couldn't look at them for long without wanting to kiss him again. Why'd my stupid brain pick this perfect guy to love?

Lost in my thoughts, I jumped when Edward said my name.

"Jeez!" I whispered. "You scared the ketchup out of me."

"Sorry."

"'S okay."

"Hey, Bella," he said again.

"Yeah?"

"I don't go back to school until next Thursday."

"So I heard."

"I was thinking we could make a deal," he said.

I was understandably extremely hesitant about proceeding here.

"What _kind _ofdeal?"

"Like, I know right now we're doing okay with the whole _getting along _thing, but who knows what it'll be like tomorrow when the holiday is over and we don't have the calming presence of all these children. And I'll still be here."

"Are you implying that I'm not adult enough to get along with you without children present?"

"Uh, yes."

_How rude. _

"Excuse me, but I am seventeen years old. I am plenty capable of not pranking you."

"It's not just the pranking, Bella. We don't get along!" he exclaimed softly, not forgetting Whitney in his arms.

I pretended to deliberate on this for a little while; I knew he was forgetting something.

"Alright, deal," I lied.

_What kind of an idiot is he?_ I mean, there were rules to a deal. They're nothing like truces.

Standing up from my Indian-style position on the ground, I held out my hand, seemingly ready for him to shake it. I grinned broadly, mischievously, as he stood up—gently setting Whitney down on the ground— and confidently moved his hand out to clasp my own. I also grinned at the first wide-eyed, then annoyed look on his face when I shot my hand out of his reach and said in my best feigning-indifference voice, "Psyche!" before tucking my hands in my front pockets suavely.

He collected his bearings shortly and seemed angry with me!

"Are you_ seven_?" he demanded quite rudely.

"Uh, no, I happen to be almost eighteen!"

"Well, maybe I wouldn't have to ask if you'd occasionally act like it!"

"Listen, _Edwart_, I am a very mature and capable young lady with much better manners than you, _and_ I know that you never, ever strike a deal without making specific conditions first!" I heaved a heavy huff. "_Holy mackerel_," I agonized quietly under my breath, still careful of the many small toddlers around.

"Fine, you can make the conditions if you'd just agree to get along with me. At least while I'm here," Edward said, looking a strange mixture of exhausted and resigned to the impending "conditions" he probably thought would be extremely trying hurdles he'd have to jump.

"Okay. Condition one, we never, ever speak again of the bathroom incident last year or the traumatic events following it leading up to our… er… the short break we took from each other."

"You mean the one that's lasted till now?" he interrupted.

"Yes, that one."

"Condition two?"

"Condition two is that you don't act innocent of everything even if we're forgetting everything that happened."

"Oh, you never said anything about forgetting everything that happened. You just said never speaking of it."

"It's the same thing."

"It most certainly is not," he emphasized, leaning in closer.

_For the love of Jesus_, I thought, _Edward Cullen must have taken a detour through Crazy Town. _

"Fine, I amend condition one," I said.

"To what?"

"Do you have short term memory loss? Instead of saying that we don't talk about it, condition one is that we forget about it. You know, I'm glad you pointed this out, Edward. This is definitely a much better condition."

The tips of his perfect Edward ears were tinged a surprising garnet hue, and the same color was inching up the thick, strained muscles in his neck.

"What's your damage, Heather?" I asked, tilting my head to the side a little to see if he was red anywhere else obvious.

_Did he have a rash…?_

"Condition two," he bit out.

_Well!_

"We already went over condition two."

"Condition two… doesn't make _sense_," Edward said in a voice that was trying to be equal parts patient and patronizing.

"It makes perfect sense. I'm saying that you can't act as if there is absolutely nothing wrong with us because that's difficult to hide in any case. If you want people to believe we've patched things up, fine. But please do not make me out to be someone I'm not. Someone that's been pining away from you all this time and now only talks to you because you've asked forgiveness. Does that make _sense_, Edward?"

_Whoa, long speech._ I smiled a little bit to myself.

He clenched his jaw, the color in his neck rising and darkening.

"Yep," he said in a clipped tone. He was really holding back, I realized.

"My goodness, Edward Cullen, are you okay?" I asked in real, genuine concern! I took a step forward to put the back of my hand to his forehead—what if he had a fever or something?—and he took a step back and started to yell at me! With children around!

"Yeah, well, I have some conditions too!" he exclaimed, loud enough for those fortunate ones in Siberia to hear, not to mention sleeping little Whitney, who shortly began to stir. He went on—oblivious— to yell, "If I can't act innocent, then _you_ can't act indifferent! Because you are obviously not!"

* * *

**Hey, did you notice how I made my teaser into a cliffhanger there? How 'bout that, huh. I have no beta, so please excuse any errors and tell me about them so that they may be fixed. **

**I love guys, and this chapter is dedicated to all my lovely, constant reviewers: auroraboralis, churroettes94, JCandEC, , unltimatetwihard513, , joeyy'louise'x, fangled, , bacmel79, Hannahe93, The all mighty and powerfulM, LovingEdward4ever95, and hayleyhoo. **

**If I've left anyone out, let me know. You guys just can't imagine how much you encourage me. Again, I really, really love you all, reviewers and readers.**

**love, jg**


	11. The Beginning of a Being

**Okay, so I'm gonna go ahead and apologize. Yes, I'm aware that this is not my best work. If you should have... questions, PM me please. Sorry for the delay. Again.

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**

Excerpt from previous chapter:

"_Yeah, well, I have some conditions too!" he exclaimed, loud enough for those fortunate ones in Siberia to hear, not to mention sleeping little Whitney, who shortly began to stir. He went on—oblivious— to yell, "If I can't act innocent, then you can't act indifferent! Because you are obviously not!"_

**Back to this chapter:**

My mouth dropped open in outrage.

_Excuse me, but last time I checked, you_ _were the heartbreaker in this scenario—not me— so why do _you_ get to point fingers here?_

_And I am not acting indifferent! I _am _indifferent! _

One look at Edward showed that he was outraged as well. Never, not even after I dyed his hair purple, had he ever looked so mad. _At me. _

"Edward," I hissed. "There are _children _here!"

He glanced at Whitney, then back up at me before grabbing my wrist—gently—and dragging me down the hall to my bedroom. I stumbled embarrassingly behind him, tripping at least half a dozen times. But you wouldn't see me contesting him when he was in this kind of mood.

As soon as my bedroom door was slammed close, he turned to me and demanded, going so far as to point his finger down at the ground, "Tell me how you feel about me."

It was one of those moments where you have all these things you could say—thousands of answers pop up, ready for a voice to say them aloud—but they won't come out. Suddenly, all those angry words I'd sworn to myself I would yell at him and all those sweet feelings I'd sworn to myself I'd never voice were no where to be found. I grasped for words—any words—but all I could do was blush and stagger.

"Tell me! Please," he begged.

"I'm sure you already know," I managed to say, although it sounded like I was choking.

"But I _don't_," he emphasized. "You've never said anything, and you've never acted like it…"

"How can you not know?" I asked. "How can you not _see?_"

He shook his head.

"I would think it's obvious," I continued in that cracked, aching voice. "A crush on the cute neighbor boy escalated into the strongest feeling I've ever had for someone else. And of course you couldn't feel that way about me, too," I chastised myself. "How could I ever think I was your soul mate, too?"

"Because, Bella!" he exclaimed loudly, suddenly. "Because I can't be your soul mate without you being mine, too! That's how it works!"

"Apparently not!"

The yelling going on had apparently attracted some relatives upstairs, and they were all rushing to get to the door—which we had not locked—and were speaking in quick and unintelligible phrases.

"What in the Lord's name are you two screaming about!" my mother asked.

Edward looked at me, breathing harshly, before turning to the voice and saying, "Just a lover's quarrel. It's alright; enjoy the rest of your meals."

I closed my eyes against the pang in my chest at the words.

With concerned expressions, they exited the hallway, clambering back down the stairs the same way they came up. They all seemed remarkably reluctant, though, and I wouldn't have been surprised if every one of them was quietly listening outside our vision to the rest of our conversation.

And the rest of the conversation was pretty unimportant. It got very awkward after the interruption, and not only had I forgotten what I was going to yell, I also probably wouldn't have yelled it even if I had.

Edward's tongue sneaked out to touch the flesh where the corners of his lips met and looked at me with huge, nervous eyes. All I was concentrated on right then was his tongue, though. It _was _distracting.

"Swan," he said, scratching behind his neck and letting his fingers trail roughly into his hair. "I'd like to ask you something."

"Go ahead," I said eagerly. I was way too ready to close the previous subject. Yep, I'm a coward. Godric would be so disappointed in me.

"I mean, I'd think it'd be really great if you'd say yes, but I'm not expecting it." Again, with the big, nervous eyes… "Would you forgive me, Bella?"

My hand reached up involuntarily to pinch the bridge of my nose between my thumb and forefinger, like Edward often did when he was beyond frustration. Me? I just did it because I was trying not to cry. I nodded. I realized then that I would never be able to begrudge Edward Cullen anything ever. And that was really annoying. However, I was also annoyed with myself. I'd repeatedly been told by my brain that I was never to forgive him to his face, that I was just to keep it inside of me and make him think I was mad at him for the rest of my life. I was annoyed with myself because I was dumb enough to believe that.

"Really?"

"Yep," I clipped, still seething at myself and my stupid stupidity. This was _Thanksgiving, _and all I had to be thankful about was that other people weren't here to see my failure.

I collapsed on my bed, the mattress sighing with me. A glance at Edward revealed that he was grinning like an idiot. That jerk. I closed my eyes, my mind erasing the picture of Edward smiling and transforming his face into that of a platypus, slimy beak and all. Edward collapsed beside me a second later, and I internally cursed him because I didn't really like saying bad words when other people could hear them.

"So you really forgive me?" he asked, his mouth apparently very close to my ear by the proximity of his voice to my hearing.

"Can we not talk about it?"

"Uh, sure." He shifted beside me. "What do you want to talk about?"

"How's frat life?" I asked for the twentieth time since he'd been back. It vexed him beautifully.

He elbowed me in the side, and even _that _made the little hairs on my arms spiky and cold. Ugh, I was so sick of these lovey-dovey reactions to him.

"Okay, fine," I conceded. "Have you made any friends?"

"I guess. There's this really cool guy in one of my biology classes that's freakin' hilarious and thinks he's really smooth, but he's even clumsier than you are."

"Hey," I warned.

He smiled at me.

"You know, I have a T-shirt with the—"

"With the Vitruvian Man on it, I know," he finished for me. He glanced over at me before training his eyes on the ceiling. "I told Banner about it."

"The guy's name is Banner?"

"It's his last name, but no one's going around calling him Bobby or anything."

"Bella? Edward?" my mother's voice floated up from down the stairs. "Whitney's asking for you."

With a sigh, I heaved myself off my bed, and grabbed Edward's arm and did the same to him when he groaned in protest.

We returned to the nursery and didn't speak for quite some time after he left my house.

& & & & & & &

Setting: The Friday after Black Friday, Maggie's Diner, 6:23 am

Mood: Terribly upset with a dash of irritability

Why: He didn't say goodbye

At least, that's how I felt. Alice and Rosalie were rambling on about some new teen dream singer named Justin (like we need another one of those).

"Can we not talk about this 'R&B wannabe man-child'?" I asked irately, taking a snipped of their conversation. "He vexes me."

Alice chuckled. "You don't even know who we're talking about."

"Well, he sounds like someone who would vex me."

"What do _you _want to talk about, Bella?" Rosalie asked patronizingly.

With narrowed eyes, I replied evenly, "The Girl Scouts of America."

Alice eyed me with displeasure and instantly, Rosalie's color heightened. This subject always provoked her.

"It's just so disappointing," Rose started to rant. While she spoke, Alice and I mouthed the same words we were so familiar with, like an annoying song you constantly hear on the radio and have no choice but to know the lyrics by heart. "If you can't count on the Girl Scouts to make a healthy cookie, I don't know who you can trust." She shook her head in disgust.

Rosalie got upset with the Girls because once upon a time (approximately three years ago), she was kicked off the local Girl Scout group for deliberately abusing her oath by infecting all the other high-ponytailed, white-toothed girls with poison ivy at a "gathering" after everyone had earned their wilderness badges.

Rose could go on forever about them, and when she did, I could easily tune her out and dwell in my anger at Edward for not even texting me goodbye. I mean, how difficult could it be? Aro was always IM-ing me, even while in class, and Edward couldn't spare two seconds to shoot me a text message while on the road back to school? As fucking if.

After our brief agreement and my embarrassing slip about "soul mates" and the awkward talk following it, Edward avoided me. Totally phased me out. I even _called _and because it only rang four times, I knew he had clicked the "ignore" button. Or maybe his showed up as "decline." All I know is, that spoke volumes. And then he had the nerve to not even say goodbye to me! Some response to my magnanimous forgiveness he showed.

I was snapped out of my inner stewing when Rose and Alice proceeded to have an argument about automobiles.

"Rosalie, honestly," Alice chastised. "Twenty-seven people couldn't possibly fit in a Smartcar. With the seats taken out, _maybe _fifteen or sixteen Chinamen."

I sighed and looked up at the heavens for answers, and again received no reply.

& & & & &

Reflecting on memories later on in life, I supposed that if I had really thought about it I wouldn't have been so surprised. I mean, really. Unless the flu had been going around, Jane wouldn't _still _have that virus she'd complained about at Thanksgiving when she visited home two weeks later for the weekend. I stumbled sleepily down the hall one morning, intending to use the restroom. Before I could open the door I heard Jane retching, and then I decided to go downstairs. I started thinking how gross it was to throw up and how pregnant ladies must go through hell with all that morning sickness business and—whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Shut the front door!

It was way improbable for her to _still _have a virus, a month after it began…

_Could Jane be…? _I thought as I rinsed the soap off my hands in the sink.

Rather than answer the question myself with the shoddy information I possessed (even though I was fairly certain I knew what was going on), I figured I'd go straight to the source.

Web MD.

And when this website only told me things already knew—and also things I really _didn't _need to know— I sucked it up and knocked quietly on Jane's door. I didn't want to upset her or anything; I'd heard pregnant women were often moody.

In the seconds where she didn't respond to the knock, I started to panic. What if my older sister Jane—who wasn't all that much older than me— was really, truly growing a human life form inside of her? What would that mean for her? Would she keep the child? Would she have to drop out of school? Would her whole life be screwed up? Who in holy heck was the father?

"Yeah?" Jane called.

Breathing very slowly, so as not to hyperventilate, I said, "'Tis Bella."

"Door's unlocked."

I entered, closed the door firmly behind me, and clicked the lock.

"Jane, I need to have a serious discussion with you," I warned in a very unconvincing voice, starting toward where she was sitting in the middle of her bed.

"Shoot," she invited.

"Oh, Jane!" I worried. "Please tell me you're not hosting a small being in your uterus."

_Well, that wasn't crude._

Jane's response sounded something like "huh?"

"You're not _enceinte_, are you?" I repeated in more sophisticated terms.

"Pregnant?" Jane's voice was confused and I had a temporary reprieve from my panic. It was later completely ruined when she gasped in shock and cried, "Oh my God, I'm pregnant!"

"Oh my God, you're pregnant!" I said with equal fervor and shock.

"Why the hell did you realize that before me?" Jane asked some time later after long minutes of "oh my Gods" and "WTFs."

"Don't ask me questions," I said.

"Should I… go to the doctor?" she asked, tugging on the ends of her hair like she did when she was spaced out. I didn't really blame her; I would have been too after the huge slice of _oh, fuck _reality just served her.

"Yeah," I said just as vacantly. But then some wire in my brain finally fused with another and had a practical thought. "But probably not at the hospital Doc Cullen works at. You watch _Grey's Anatomy_. You know how those medics gossip."

She nodded.

As I got up to leave her alone, Jane just kept nodding, still tugging at that hair.

& & & & &

I called Alice and Rosalie first thing. I called again two days later when Jane and I visited the obstetrician and it was confirmed: Jane Swan was preggo.

I tried not to ask her too many questions because she was already stressed out enough what with the apparently-month-old human developing inside her. But just because I wasn't asking questions didn't mean that Alice and Rose weren't. I told them not to tell anyone; Jane was really adamant about not letting anyone—not even Mom—know the news. The thing was, Jane didn't really seem all that worried. After that first day of hazy _Is this really happening to me? _she seemed to snap out of it. She _smiled _when the OB verified that she was indeed with baby, like she was happy. But she didn't want to tell anyone else.

So the question here was this: Did Jane _want _to be pregnant?

I did ask who the father was. Jane had looked at me for what seemed to be a very long time and turned out to be eleven-point-two-three-two seconds and told me that she loved him, and that he would support her if she ended up deciding to keep the baby.

The two questions _here _were: _Who was the father?! _And _was _she going to keep the baby? (And by _keep_, I mean _not abort._)

All these questions went unanswered until two days later.

I found out from Alec that Jane had been hanging out with my friend Aro since they left for school. Aro just happened to attend the same university all the way across the country. I remembered very clearly the "crush" Jane had on Aro and then decided that maybe "crush" was too light a word. Aro was Jane's baby daddy, which was way more serious than "crush" in my opinion.

The other two questions kind of went hand in hand, in a way. If Jane wanted to be pregnant, then she would probably keep the baby. But even if she did want to be pregnant, she might not have kept the baby for the sake of her future. If Jane didn't want to be pregnant, she probably wouldn't keep the baby. But even if Jane didn't want to be pregnant, she might have kept the baby for the sake of the baby.

(And by _keep, _I mean _not abort. _Again, in case you forgot.)

After I had given her ample time to discuss with Aro and deliberate on whether or not she wanted to keep the child, I asked the two-part question.

She immediately answered with, "I'm keeping it." However, it didn't answer my other question, to which, after I pointed it out, she replied, "I want it."

I had never really liked when people called unborn children "it" even if they didn't yet know the gender. There were a million names you could call this baby besides _it. _There was _baby _and _child _and the colloquial _kid_. But _it _implies an object, sometimes an animal, _not _a baby in the womb.

I brought my concern up with my Jane, and suddenly, she looked so… shocked. Like that hadn't occurred to her before. That the _it _she had been thinking about wasn't an _it _after all, but a _baby, _a _child, _an actual kid_. _

And that, unfortunately, was when everything sunk in with her and that was when she started to go into panic mode.

I told her she should tell Mom; she'd find out soon anyway and Jane would be way better off with her help. I reassured her that I'd be right there with her, Leah to Jane's Juno.

"Mom, Dad," Jane began with a tug on her hair ten minutes after some familial small talk in the den. "I have something to tell you."

When she didn't elaborate and our parents were still waiting expectantly, I pinched her side, causing her to unfortunately just… blurt it out. More like yell it out, actually.

That was when something inside me told me that I needed someone else's help—not an adult's, not Alice's or Rose's, not Alec's.

With great reluctance and more than a little annoyance with myself, I dialed Edward's cell phone number.

* * *

**Please. Like I would end it there! **

* * *

"Please pick up, please pick up, please pick up," I chanted softly as the phone rang and rang and rang.

Just as I was about to pitch a fit, he answered.

"Hello?" His voice was quiet and ragged.

"Hi. It's… Bella."

"Yeah," he whispered. "I know."

"Are you sick or something?" I asked. "Your voice sounds weird."

"No, not sick."

"Okay. Well, are you busy?"

"No."

"Good, good." After a moment of silence, he asked, "Is there a reason you called?"

"Do I have to have a reason?"

"Well, no, but…"

"I do have a reason," I admitted.

"Jeez, Bella!" I knew he would probably start laying into me so I just cut to the chase.

"Jane's pregnant," I informed him of the splendid news.

"Riiiiiiight."

"Edward Cullen, I am totally serious. Remember how she was sick during the holiday?"

"Uh huh."

"Morning sickness. Seriously, we've gone to the doctor and everything and told my parents and she has to take these nasty-looking vitamins and Aro's the daddy and I wasn't even supposed to tell you but I couldn't _not _and—"

_Man, there's just no stopping me, huh?_

"Okay, Bella, it's okay," Edward's raspy voice soothed. "Is she going to have the baby?" It didn't slip my notice that he didn't say "it."

I nodded, forgetting he couldn't see me.

"Bella?"

"Yeah, she's keeping the baby."

"Have you discussed what's going to happen… after? You said Aro was the father? How does he feel?"

"Jane wants to tell him in person. We don't know yet. And my parents have been talking to her, but I'm excluded from those conversations."

"She's going back to school?"

"Yeah."

"She'll be fine, Bella. Jane's tough."

"Yeah," I whispered, my own voice becoming rapidly as throaty as his.

"Don't cry," he said. "Please don't cry."

I did anyway, scared for my sister, scared for this child, scared for our family. This pregnancy was so unexpected and in ways traumatic and in other ways beautiful. With all these questions and confusions combined with finally talking to Edward, I couldn't help but cry now.

He stayed on the phone with me for what seemed like forever after that, even after I stopped crying. We talked about everything except Jane and children, and I was laughing and forgetting everything emotional in my life aside from being helplessly, unabashedly in love.

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**Yeah, I'm sorry. It sounds rushed and sudden. But I swear on my pet fish Edgar Allan Frost that I planned this all along. I know I made Jane's pregnancy seem kind of... an indiffernt occurance in the life of Bella Swan, but I promise it's gonna be big-time. And there shall be way more Edward-Bella time and it will all hopefully make sense... Also, I'm sorry if I've skipped around. Review please! I love hearing what you have to say!**

**jg**


	12. The Beginning of Chapter Eleven, Part 1

Sorry for the wait! But my computer totally crashed on me about three weeks ago and I lost the whole story, and most of the chapter I was **about to post for you**! So, since I'm not quite finished with it but I believe that I've made you wait long enough, without further ado…

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B POV

Edward decided to come home for the weekend. I was really grateful for this because lately, I'd been running through the last jam-packed episode of _My Life_ and it was not making things any easier to deal with. Edward could distract me (in any and all ways). Another previously ignorable problem that _wasn't _so ignorable now was, Jane had become "bitchy." And demanding. And needy.

For instance, "Bella! I'm hungry, make me some pasta!"

Or, "Bella! I just used the last of the toilet paper, go get some more!"

And the most recent, "Bella! Come watch TV with me, I'm lonely!"

Jane's new favorite show was _I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant. _

So yes, I looked upon Edward's impending arrival as a good thing.

While Alec thought the whole pregnancy was "fuckin' rad," Riley had hung up the phone in anger when Mom and Dad told him. He hadn't talked to Jane in weeks, and that was causing her some extreme stress. Although Jane had never been as close with Riley as she was with Alec, they were still closer to each other than Jane had been to me. I wanted to scream every time I saw Jane crying at the end of the day when her older brother didn't call.

Mom was handling the pregnancy too well. She could have only gone three ways, I see now. She could have been so appalled and angry with Jane and, like, disowned her. She could have been mildly disappointed but still supportive. Or she could have chosen Door 3 and gone overboard with excitement.

Mom chose Door 3.

I walked into the kitchen last night/morning at one a.m. to get a glass of water for a thirsty Jane (who had slept _all day_) and heard Mom on the phone talking to her "wallpaper guy" about what pattern to choose for the walls of the nursery she was planning to add on to our house. When I complained about that, she glared at me and asked, "Would you rather we use your room, Isabella?"

I think Dad was trying to forget that pregnancy usually results in one or more tiny people. He'd be in for a surprise when Jane brought home Jr.

Mrs. Cullen was just as ecstatic as my dear mother. She made Dr. Cullen routinely check on Jane and was giving Mom all kinds of advice, even though she wasn't close to having grandchildren at all.

I barely got to hang out with Rose and Alice anymore.

Jane had been calling me a lot lately when I was out with them and every time I tried to get out of helping her, she made me feel guilty by pulling the "there's a growing being inside me" card. Rose and Alice understood, of course, but I wanted to talk to them about everything, and I wanted to hear about _their _lives, and we just hadn't had any chances for that recently.

The rest of the Swan family ranged from shocked to euphoric, them being baby-producing machines and all. Heidi, when I was assigned to inform her, said, "Well, that's cool. I mean, more power to her. I hear kids grow up to be teenagers."

And then… the most beautiful person I had ever seen in all my life entered through the Swan residence threshold, and the Before-Jane-Got-Knocked-Up Bella reappeared and I was reincarnated. This beautiful person was Aro.

He swept in and restored my life to relative normalcy.

And he did not even know it.

At first, I didn't even question his current presence in my life. I was just so excited to see him. Maybe too excited.

"Whoa, Bella," his fricking loud, gruff voice swelled close to my ear as I hurled my self at him in the doorway.

"Jesus, it has been _chaos_," I started to explain, forgetting that he would have no clue as to what I was talking about if I mentioned mom's obsession with infant footie pajamas and Alec actually trying to cut down on cursing. "Seriously, Jane has been—" And then I remembered.

"Jane has been… what?" Aro hinted, setting me back down on my feet.

"Missing you," I recovered. "Missing you a _lot_." I nodded in confidence.

"Oh yeah?" he asked nonchalantly. "Then why did I get a call last night with her sobbing and telling me that she never wanted to see me again?"

_For real? _I directed my inquiry to God in Heaven.

"She's just emotional," I weakly defended.

"Mhmm," he hummed sarcastically. "Where is she?"

"She could be upstairs," I said. "But then again, she could be at TCBY."

Aro started to climb the stairs, but I cut in front of him and sprinted up those stairs so quickly I didn't even feel the usual pain I did every time I banged my knee on the banister at the top of them.

"Jane! You have a visitor!" I yell-warned. I closed myself in my room shortly after, giving the lovely couple a little time to sort a few minor details of their relationship out.

Ten minutes later, I called Alice and Rose and told them we were going out.

Rose orders some rainbow swirly thing every time. Alice has never eaten anything besides straight chocolate with gummy bears as far as I know. I always order what the person taking my order suggests, and today, at TCBY, that was Rocky Road.

"So Aro's back, huh?" Alice asked, scraping at her yogurt cup with that tiny white plastic spoon they give you.

"Yep," I pop the "p" as I scoop out another spoonful of RR.

"You think she's told him?" Rose said.

"Prolly."

"Bella, accentuate, please," Alice chastised.

I rolled my eyes. That was my line.

"Nice gay pants, Alice," I rejoined. "Capris."

Alice looked way offended. "What? Everyone wears Capris." She huffed. "….Queer."

"You know what I wish I had, Alice?" I asked. "I wish I had a ring that said 'THIS IS MY BITCH' so I could, like, punch your forehead and you'd be permanently branded."

"Ha. You can't throw a punch to say your life."

"Yeah? Well, you're so ugly, when you wear a child, even your imaginary friends wouldn't play with you."

"Bella," Alice cooed. "If you're feeling stressed, you should vent now. TCBY is the perfect place to rant and cry and stuff, because there's comfort food just a few feet away." She came around the table and crouched down so we were eye to eye. Rosalie reached out beside me and put a hand on my shoulder.

"I'm perfectly fine," I said.

"Bella, you deliberately hurt my feelings when you called my Capri pants gay. And then you told me that I was ugly and implied that I had imaginary friends. There is something definitely wrong here."

My shoulders slumped forward in an embarrassingly unladylike manner and I apologized. "I'm really sorry, Ali. I didn't mean it."

"I know, and that's why I'm not going to take offense. I'm just saying. We're here. Rose and I always have your back."

"I know," I sighed. I looked at Alice, then Rose. "Thank you."

"Go on, sugar," Rose encouraged. "Let it out."

"It's just… It feels like it's not even happening. Jane's pregnant? Come on now."

They just nodded.

"It's just like… total eclipse of the heart, you know?"

Again they nodded.

And it went on like that for about an hour and a half until Edward texted me to tell me he was finally here.

It'd seemed like forever since I'd seen him last when I saw him now. Looking pretty sharp in a dark green and white button-down, he was fatally gorgeous—no hyperbole necessary. A person could take one glance at him, be too distracted, and walk straight into oncoming traffic…or something.

And I was so glad to see him that I actually smiled at Edward and I _embraced _him. I'd been waiting at Casa de Cullen for exactly twenty-seven minutes, waiting for him to walk through the door. It was almost embarrassing.

_Too emotional to care_.

"Miss me?" he asked me so softly as I pulled away that I knew he wasn't goading me in any way intentionally.

"Compared to all that?" I waved my hand around in front of me, gesturing to my house across the street and its cacophony of whines and groans. "Even you're preferable."

"Thanks," he answered flatly, but with a small smile.

"What?" I said.

"Nothing," he said as he ducked his head. "You seem different."

"I hope you don't mean I seem like a grown-up," I replied, starting the trek to the kitchen where Dr. Cullen, Mrs. Cullen, and Alice were awaiting him.

He was met with hugs and cheek kisses and "About time you came back, school isn't _that _far away."

It was that familial thing that had been absent at my house for weeks now, and I was glad to witness it with the Cullens.

Not ten minutes later, Edward and I were alone in the kitchen after the rest of the Cullens quickly vacated, all conveniently having something else to do. I was sitting on one of the island's stools while he stood on the other side of it, arms bracing his body as he leaned in to the counter.

"How are you doing?" he asked seriously.

"Fine, thank you for asking. And you?"

"We should talk. Bella."

And that cut the shit short very potently.

"Right," I agreed. He smiled. "About what?" I then asked, and his smile became wider.

"Let's see," he said. "We could talk about you, me, or us. Take your pick."

"Well, see—"

He interrupted me. "Us? Good choice, I was going to say the same thing."

He came around the island, pulled me by my hands from the stool and walked me into the living room. Framed photographs and portraits were everywhere in this room, ranging from Emmett, Edward, and Alice's infancies to this past holiday's Christmas card. Little knick knacks filled up the room with _home _and there were comfortable chairs and a long, wooden coffee table. This was also referred to as the Cullen's "family room."

I walked in ahead of him, not wanting to have this conversation, much less looking at him while we had it. Before now this room made me feel warm and welcome, but now I had goose bumps rising on the flesh of my arms and I could feel an Edward presence standing just a few feet behind me.

Taking a chance look back at him, I saw that he was grinning, looking so giddy and excited that he was almost flushed. His eyes were full of this glittery green happy thing.

I was instantly suspicious.

"You look like you're about to spew cotton candy and rainbows. What gives?"

After a visibly strong breath in and out, he ignored my question and asked his own. "Do you love me?"

Turning around so that I no longer had to face him, I looked ceiling-ward and said "oh, my God" very quickly, very many times under my breath.

"Seriously, Bella, I need to know."

I could say nothing but my new mantra, adding quiet expletives in between occasionally.

"Bella, Bella, Bella," over and over again became _his _mantra, deliberately mocking me and annoying me at the same time!

I slapped my hand to my forehead. "Didn't we go over this already?"

He reached up to peel my palm from my face. "No."

"You know I do," I muttered, once again turning away from him even though my mind was screaming at me that that was _not _what a true Gryffindor would do, though I couldn't remember a time in the series when any Gryffindor was faced with Edward Cullen.

That grin got wider, and my stomach tightened with anger and hurt and rejection and all kinds of unfortunate emotions that make one's insides cinch together.

And it was official, I thought. Edward and I, as of that moment, were _officially _in a fight. We were in a fight.

His grin diminished right quick when he saw the expression on my face when I was able to look at him again. He scratched at the back of his neck nervously, raking a hand from down to up through his coppery hair. "I know we don't talk about it much, but I think we both know that _I've_ wanted you since the time you came to dinner with us after…the, uh—"

"That time you did _not _see me without clothing?" I finished…angrily, since we were still in a fight. "Right?"

"…Yeah."

It took actually quite a while for me to fully take in this moment. And when everything that could sink in did sink in, I took a step closer and pulled him by his shirt so that he was near enough to me that I could correctly punch him in the stomach. And I did and it felt pretty damn good.

* * *

Whoops.


End file.
